Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Get a water tank... Cute puppy...

2018 garlic harvest

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Great!
I planted some garlics obtained from a garlic farm a few years ago, just because I like the flowers. Every year leaves come up tall, never flower, fall over and wilt. What am I doing wrong?

After you fine folk identifying half the plants in the garden, I have one more ID for you if I may.
This one dies off over winter and comes up again in spring. Flower buds seem to be on long stalks and seems to be readying itself to flower shortly. Is it a plant or a weed and what the hell is it as there's two of them! Acquired some tomatoes from some friends and they're doing great. My first attempt here at anything edible that isn't rocket!

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It's a Japanese anemone.

Oh wow, that was quick, thanks Matt!

My pleasure!

Only hardneck garlic flowers. If it's a softneck you'll just get leaves. When they yellow and wilt, it's time to get digging (stop watering up to 2 weeks before to allow the earth around the bulbs to dry out - clay will need 2+ weeks, sandy soils less).

This is combination of experience plus advice from the garlic farm people who were at Hampton Court flower show a week ago

Oh. They've been in there a few years... They were very dry this year but I put some seeds near them recently so they've been watered. Might just leave them another year.

I'd dig them up now and then in Oct or nov split out the cloves and plant them individually. You want a good cold snap a few weeks after planting. Should be ready to harvest in June

Fish pond installed over the weekend...

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What's the best way to deal with uneven ground in your garden? Just dig it up where it's high, redistribute the soil and flatten it?

We've got a few patches out the back of the house that are pretty wild, almost twisted my ankle on a couple of occasions...

....or the landscapers weapon of choice, the 14hp rotovator.

Ps: listen CAREFULLY to the instructions from the hire shop and prepare for knackered shoulders.

And pray that there’s not the remains of a concrete pond buried under the lawn.

A buried concrete pond could be a problem, but a decent rotavator will at least knock up the desiccated remains of the previous homeowner into nutritious bonemeal.

I know we've got an old sceptic tank down at one end, I dunno how deep down it is tho'... I may just get a couple of bags of soil in and fill the big holes in... We're gonna put a shed up in one corner which is gonna be interesting cuz we're on a slope and that area will need proper levelling so we can get a slab of concrete down...

I know a woman who is about to have some free time who knows a thing or two about "strong and stable". Maybe she could help with knocking up your shed?

Wooden frame mounted on posts?

Like this one. Rules: posts should be 100mm square and no more than 2m apart, posts concreted in at least 60cm deep, supporting 100mm by 50mm joists should be 50cm apart. Sounds difficult but isn't and will be much cheaper than concrete if the slope is significant.

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The slope isn't that bad, probably goes from a foot to a metre along the whole length of the house which, at a guess, is about 13m... We're only going for a small shed, 3m X 3m at the most... Don't mind paying for a slab, seems to be the way it's done here... It'll be a tin shed type affair, don't wanna attract the termites!

Tin shed? You mean oven. Slow roasting a whole ox?

It's a bloody shed, mate! TBH I hadn't considered wood because of the termites and also the cost, very, very pricey over here...

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We just haz turf laid in the garden (great time of year I know), are these shoots anything to worry about? I don’t think they’re the dreaded knotweed but...

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It's just bindweed. Very vigorous and tricky to get rid of entirely as the roots spread far and wide, but not anything awful. I'd be more worried about the yellow crocs.