Home DIY

And also... How the fuck am I SO bad at DIY?! Why does the god of DIY hate me so much? I am installing locks on doors and EVERY FUCKING TIME I mess it up! Now after fixing the last issue, I now can't remove the key. It's fucking stuck in there! GAH!

What kind of lock? Photo?

What credit card are you going to use to try and open it?
Photo?
Back and front?

Ha you have my sympathy.
Just really hurt my hand doing some DIY this afternoon.
D-I -Why-oh-Why did I start this shit.

Installing a yale deadbolt lock to my tools closet. Stupid key is stuck now.

Fortunally it's a closet I'm adding a lock to. And it locks fine, and unlocks too... Just I can't take the fucking key out.

I actually really enjoy DIY... It just fucking hates me in return.

I feel your pain, I'm an expert at bike mechanics and how it fucks up everything.

Take a photo and share it? Or google fence panel and find one that looks like yours and share that.

DIY hates all amateurs. Don't feel bad, every lock I've ever touched has also not gone according to plan and subsequently bodged.

Actually I tell I lie, I did a lock recently and it was perfect. Crisp chiseled slot, perfectly aligned and faceplates flush. Shame a few days later I decided I wanted to flip the door over so it opens the other way. Hopefully the wood filler job goes as smoothly.

Ha! Nah mate, think pre-TOWIE Essex/Herts border wife and you'll get the drift! :0)

Our front door lock now has elastic bands in the middle of it

Otherwise, how the fuck else are you supposed to put the lock back onto the door?

My front door lock is so good that it sometimes automatically opens when an amazon delivery driver knocks on the door. Very handy.

Fucks sake literally just happened now with royal mail. Really should fix it

You have many admirable talents, Iain, and we all love you even if you're shit at DIY. :)

The mistake you're making is assuming that lock fitting is a simple diy task that can be successfully achieved with relatively few tools and a bit of experience. The DIY gods require years of sacrifices before imparting the wisdom and tools necessary to make a door lock work.

Maybe if you cut off a finger and offered it you might during the ensuing pain receive the wisdom needed in a flash of inspiration. There is a small altar for offerings at the back of most B&Q's.

Alternatively read the instructions properly and make sure you have all the tools you need!! :)

On a serious note you should buy a 2nd hand carpenters brace and bag of auger bits to fit it in various sizes, like 20 or 30 sizes. It's much easier to fit locks with one of those than the electric equivalents. Takes a bit more time but you can stop it going wrong before it's too late. Shouldn't cost much either, they are all available 2nd hand and usually work fine.

On a "I can't be fucked to google" - I need a shop to sell me something like this
https://www.towsure.com/awnings/awning-spares/awning-pole-fittings

a pole to fit it in

and some epoxy that will work in concrete and the metal pole/plastic things i'v e just linked to

near Elephant and Castle and on the way home to SE26

Screwfix?
B&Q?
Jewsons?
Wickes?

Which ones are near there ta?

To my defence, the lock that is fucked is the nightlatch, which previous owners work. All I did was change the lock cylinder and put in a new beefier deadlock (which works fine). The issue with the latch is either the door or the door stop is on the wonk, so unless you slam the door hard, the latch doesn't quite fully engage and can pop open (weird Ingersoll design with rounded latch). Fine when we are out as we always deadlock, but sometimes when we are home it will just come open.

So I had to rush home as something was covering the camera. Found a neighbours parasol wedged in good over the camera. Gave me the heebies so I quickly sorted out one of the locks! Bang! Just needs cleaning up but at least 1 room can be locked.

So to fix my other lock, I have to move the hole for the cylinder about 5mm. What's the best way? Chisel is flat and this is round. I tried a drill with sandpaper but suspect that'll take ages.

I have talents? Wow!

But thank you!

Round file or rasp

Not to be confused with an asp.

I saw an Adder the other day - first time I've ever seen one, I was quite impressed.

Good drills are good aren't they?