• Wheeling my bike out of my house, I noticed a 4x4 approaching at speed. My street is extremely narrow and in a 20mph zone. Instinctively I put out my hand and touched the window as he passed. I don’t know why.

    He stopped and enquired with some force as to what my game was. I explained that, in a residential street not much wider than wing mirror width, at school time, in the rain, I thought 40mph was a little excessive.

    His measured response that he was accelerating to pass me so he didn’t have to stop and that anyway I should fuck off and mind my own business made me laugh. This did not please him.

    He informed me that if I touched his car again he would feel obliged to fuck me up. I responded that if he returned to my street at high speed he would certainly feel the wrath of my fingers again. This also was not met favourably.

    I had unlocked a car to get something out of it, so Detective Dickwad inferred that this was my car. He asked me if it was my car. I replied that it was my car.

    He politely informed me that he would be back later to trash my car.

    He did not come back.

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