This morning's commute and other commuting stories

yeah I know. I hate that 'I'm just going skip across this nice empty bike lane' vibe that peds have, fuckers.

csb:
I had the mother of all ped crashes a few years ago, guy stepped clean out into the road on Westminster bridge. He was a tourist, just looking the wrong way for traffic i assume... it was combined with me having a quick look over my shoulder so when I looked round he was about a metre in front of me.. I hit him at full speed, knocked the wind out of him which put him out cold for about 2/3 minutes. Terrifying stuff! Spoke to the ambulance though and apparently he was fine.

My biggest regret is not taking the painkillers they were offering me, think I must have been in shock...

Wasn't me guv (although I'm only one road away from there).

Don't recognise him as any of the local characters either.

Permanent face scaring thanks to a dumb woman running straight into my path from the middle of the road after she panicked due to a truck revving to pass me. She was behind another ped who didn't move, presumably because he'd seen me. I'd just left the fucking hospital and was shipped straight back there to have some of Uxbridge Road pulled from my eye socket. Happy fucking days. My mad skills saved her from full impact. Of course next time I'm going to try and not swerve. Peds are softer than roads.

All this talk of Ped impacts and nobody piped up with have you considered cycle training

LFGSS is slipping!

Have you considered have you considered cycle training training?

Of course next time I'm going to try and not swerve. Peds are softer than roads.

Quoted for future use in the Daily Mail.

Communist.

Permanent face scaring thanks to a dumb woman running straight into my path from the middle of the road after she panicked due to a truck revving to pass me.

Today? Spicy.

No, this was years ago. Today was just some prick running for the footpath about 20m from a ped crossing at Shepherds Bush. She must've ducked and weaved three lanes on motor traffic and decided, 'fuck it, it's just a bike lane'. Once again, we are both lucky I avoided her. Fucking dumbass ped. Can we get autonomous bikes? Then I can just blame the software.

Maybe a Dutch bike
Maybe a Dutch bike
Maybe a Dutch bike

Oh, ok then...

Stick a rear rack and some panniers on it and you're all set. And a little dynamo-driven front lamp.

Haha gold!

Perfect.

What we need is the bike equivalent of a tank close protection system. Small radar to detect the 'threat' which then fires gimbal mounted tasers at the 'threat' with the aim of crumpling them, convulsing, to the ground before they can impact you.

I can forsee a few, minor, practical difficulties but surely none that are insurmountable.

Off to Kickstarter. Bbl.

Without trying to end up in 'shit fixie skidders say' there's nothing more alarming to the zombiefied ped population than a fixie skid on loose gravel. That or the cacophonous rattle of a loosely secured cargo bike box hurtling towards them; I managed to cause a fully grown man to throw himself (airborne) onto a market stall table once. Hilariously, I was cautiously riding about 5 meters from him on a wide street.

See, I DO need a cargo bike...

Of course you do. It's the cyclist's Chelsea Tractor.

Peds never get out the way for me, maybe i need go more loose on the rack packing.

Three quarter left turns for every bolt should do it.

I'm facking tired of winter weather. Frozen gears plus front wheel slipped out and my shoulder & arse hurt now. At least I'm early for some reason so going to have a long shower at work now.

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Some twat in a black audi decided to 'teach me a lesson' for riding the wrong way down compton street by accelerating to pass me head on with about 10 inches of space at well north of the 20mph limit (on his way into a speed restriction outside a school).

see if you can spot his mistake. (image from google streetview for illustration)

He missed you so the money rolls over for the next guy.

Stationary taxi clipped (seemed deliberate, which was odd) by council flatbed yesterday decided in his anger to reverse without looking to go and confront the other fella. The fact I was waiting behind him for at least a minute and that he was also right outside a primary school with kids arriving around us didn’t seem to register through his thick head as a problem. I’d have been a witness for him too, if he’d not been such a cunt about it. Near miss only for me and all random kids, thankfully.