This morning's commute and other commuting stories

Boss's idea for me to 'attend' not mine, at least I didnt have to go to Birmingham to attend it IRL.

Sounds like me:

• visit friend last night, forget to bring keys
  
• cycle home at 1 AM, no one in, locked out
  
• cycle back to friend's, sleep on his sofa
  
• this morning, cycle over flatmate's office to borrow keys
  
• get to flat, make coffee, accidentally leave the hob on for 30 mins
  
• cycle back to flatmate's office, realise I forgot my lunch
  
  

I think I have dementia or something

Edit: spent £6 on some some clamp-on friction shifters and a set of V-brakes to make myself feel better.

:) it’s the language I find weird. It’s a bit like ‘Brexit’*. We should just all agree to stop using it.

*If we’re going to join Br~ onto what we’re doing, how about Brisolationism? Brenophobia? Bruicide?

"Broken" was already done for you.

get to flat, make coffee, accidentally leave the hob on for 30 mins

While biking across spain I boiled some water on the hob for a tea, popped out after 10 minutes to get some grub, 20 minutes later I'm stood in the queue waiting to pay when it dawns on me that I've left a pan on the hob in a rented apartment.

Dropped my food and legged it the 5 minutes back to the flat to find that I'd also forgotten to put the pan on the hob and it was just roaring away doing it's thing warming the kitchen...

I came home once to find my kitchen like that. My flatmate turned out to be decent fertilizer for my chili plants.

Ha. At my parents house we've actually done worse before: left the hob on for an entire week whilst we were on holiday! You'd think between 5 people one of would notice. It was nice and warm when we got back at least

I just sheepishly went back to my shopping and forgot the tea.

I think that says something about safety in modern design

I have also done that reheating a saucepan of pasta on an electric hotplate (hob or whatever the fuck you lot call them) only to pass out on the sofa and have the missus come in at Stupid AM to turn the smoke alarm off. I was a popular boy that night.

i've binned many a charcoal disc formerly known as a pizza because of that in my time.

A close relative of mine once went away for a few days and left the hot shower running. Came home to find they couldn't get the front door open and all their wallpaper had fallen off.

Ha, yeah, me and a mate were at his and put pizzas in the oven. Watched three films. His sister and old man arrive home and question what the smell is. Oh, that will be the artist formerly known as lunch, I guess.

hot shower running

That takes some effort. I mean it's a lot bigger than a gas light and makes a shitload more noise. Were they not in it when they turned it on?

I left a Bont shoe in the oven to warm up so I could mould the sole to my foot, and popped upstairs to do a bit of work. After about an hour and a half I wondered what the nasty smell was. Left Bont shoe was unusually crispy. Happily, and this is absolutely true, a friend of a friend is a para-athlete who is also a size 43 and only has a right foot, so he has the remaining unburnt Bont now.

I've also left the iron on and gone off for a long weekend, and left for the weekend leaving the front door open. Not unlocked, but ajar. Got away with both of them.

a friend of a friend is a para-athlete who is also a size 43 and only has a right foot, so he has the remaining unburnt Bont now

Wow. That's what I call a Freudian Slip(per).

Left my part - time job at G4S today at half 3, riding through Lavender Hill a twat in an 09 plate Ford Galaxay decides to overtake and turns left, I call him a fucking twat and he calls me a wanker!!! Like I'm in the wrong!!!!!!

This story involves a pizza , an oven and something about the un safety of old design.
My brother put a pizza in the gas oven and turned it on.
Checked 10 mins later and the oven was stone cold - the 50p gas meter had run out so he put 50p in the meter and went to find some matches - finds matches - sticks head in oven to light gas at the back and ...

(can't find an illustration that isn't inappropriate )

I have a similar story: was at Uni and some mates of a Uni friend were up to visit and they were staying with us (Uni mate was across the road). They decide to cook some bacon only the leccy ran out, so they took there food across the road to finish it. Me and a couple of other residents arrive back later that evening. We find the leccy out and pop to the garage to get some more, go home, plug in, go upstairs and light up.

Maybe twenty minutes or so later my mate gets up to go to the toilet. He’s gone about half an hour to the point we were wondering where the fuck he was. Finally he re-appears looking white as a sheet. Turns out he went out a noticed a whisp of smoke, when downstairs to find they had left the grill on, and it being a student grill the pan beneath was full of about six months worth of grease, now on fire. He said the flames had almost reached the ceiling when he got there and he just managed to put it out before the ceiling caught.

Think we would have been able to get out if we hadn’t found it in time by jumping out of the window but I would have lost some very sweet vinyl. Makes you wonder how many actual fires are caused that way.

the hills of sydenham are fuckin real yo.

mylegs/10

Also kids, smoke detectors for the win

Surgeon to patient after operation -
" I'm afraid I've got good news and bad news - what do you want to hear first ? "
Patient - "better give me the bad news first "
Surgeon - "Ok I'm afraid we have amputated the wrong foot "
Patient - " OMG ! whats the good news ?
Surgeon - " the chap in the next bed wants your slippers "

Head high snow drift/10 this morning on steep dark hill good, cars flying down the hill on wrong side of the road not so good

Had a bump and came off last night. Could probably do with some advice.
Was cycling up the road opposite the ritz, coming to the lights which were on red. This was 6:15pm.
As the lights are on red, there are two lines of standstill traffic and I’m filtering down the middle between the two.
On my left I can see some pedestrians beginning to cross the road but I judge that at their speed and mine, I’ll get past them before they arrive in my line so carry on.
From out between two stopped cars, a bin man pushes his cart thing straight out as I’m going past the gap, into the side of me, pushing me into a black cab and onto the deck. I’m cut and bruised, the cannondale is dented and the paint ruined but cabbie, although first checking everybody was alright, wants someone to pay for the scrapes in his paintwork.
Bin man didn’t speak a word of English, I gave the driver my contact details, so did bin man.
I’m worried he’s going to come after me to pay, since it was physically my bike/body that hit his car. I don’t think I’m in the wrong, the guy just pushed a 6 foot long cart out into traffic without being able to see what’s coming and hit me with it.

Did you get this bin guys details too? I would be tapking to whichever council he works for, he’s probably covered under their insurance for stuff like this, and they’re definitely liable for the damage to your bike