Audax rides

So at 0400 yesterday my alarm went off, and I readied myself for an engagement with The Beast from the East and Around the Weald Expedition - Polar Edition.
Extra jumper - check
Waterproof socks - check
Cleats tightened on my sandals - check
Train rocked up into East Croydon at 05something and I primed the legs with the climb up to Selsdon, and with new 28mm tires and a homemade camper longflap style saddlebag to put through its paces, I gingerly set sail at 0609
Slow and steady was always going to be the order of the day, so I pushed along to Edenbridge avoiding the worst of the back roads, thinking to myself that I'll be okay. Close to 15hrs I thought, but I'll do it. Bounced off Edenbridge at 0720 with a brief stop for some Red Bull slush puppy which had already started to develop in my bottle, a little over an hour in.
Avoided Puddledock and routed via Ide Hill instead of Toys and Emmets Lane, dropped down into Sundridge and crossed the M25 and into Filston Ski track Lane. It was at this point that I probably should have said no and just gone home.
No, not I. I figured I may as well get to Swanley and if needs be just go home from there. After much hard climbing, forced into the saddle by loss of traction from the 65" I was running (an oversight on my behalf - I was supposed to have fitted a 18t cog, but discovered this morning that I had done it all on a 17t.) Parts were literally sheets of ice, but I persevered and got to Swanley Co-op at 0920.
Jam tortilla and coconut trek bar, washed down with an alpro chocolate milk, I made the brave foolish decision to press on.
What followed was a 6hr onslaught of blizzard, ice, periodic stops to unlog the brake callipers and correx mudguards of icebergery, slipperiness, crashed vans, snowed in lorries, comments of how brave I was by pedestrians, frozen beard and water bottles, and general all round jolly japery. I got to Battle at about 1445, thinking that I'm over halfway, I'm going to do this. 85km to go. 6hrs ish left. I was beginning to believe.
Quick phone call to the wife to tell her that I was still alive and onwards I pushed. Slight headwind, which was unbelievably cold. Something akin to The Day After Tomorrow.
Legs getting heavier and heavier, but I wouldn't cave. I'm the Beast from the South East, and a little weather wasn't going to ruin my perfect run of AWEs. 50AAA gloriousness awaited me upon arrival back at Selsdon.
Forest Row - bottle of Coke (red stuff naturally), a litre of Lucozade and a couple of fruit jellies. Onwards and for the umpteenth time quite literally upwards, out of Forest Row. The sun had now set, temperatures had plummeted and The Beast showed me what she really had. The climb out of Forest Row was brutal - stiff headwind, blasted by the heaviest downpour of snow I'd seen all day, settling on the floor in front of my eyes. I had no option - push on. Almost there. 12hrs in, just 30km to go. It got very slick, very quickly. I pushed on, averaging just 10km/h. It was in more than just the figurative sense, slipping away from me.
A toilet break at Lingfield at 1945ish. Train on the platform.
Unashamedly, I packed. less than 20km from the end. but only an hour and a bit to do it. I don't think I could have safely ridden that quickly last night.

Despite the brutal conditions, it was probably the nicest AWE I've (almost) done. At times there were some truly stunning views, and all in all, after a whole day of foolhardiness, I made the right choice in the end. It was treacherous last night, pitch black, and I honestly think I would have hurt myself.

And so 50AAA still awaits, but I'll be in a position to get them when I thaw out, as opposed to heal up.

Oh, and the saddlebag performed admirably.