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  • There are recurring Mickey problems in my upstairs flat, with unfilled wall gaps behind poorly fitted kitchen cabinets. I've filled in all but one hole which physically can't be reached without taking out the shite Ikea built-ins which were here when I moved in.

    One recently wiggled his way through 2 inches of steel wiring around a pipe and in turn tore through 7 bags of my jumbo pack Pom Bears. So much for mice being only nocturnal as it was at lunchtime I heard the familiar sound of crisp packets being rustled in a nearby cupboard...

    I usually manage to trap them in a room once sighted, work them into a dark corner then lay a humane flap trap down on the escape route wall. Agitate them enough in the hiding place and they tend to run straight into it in blind panic. Unfortunately the whole fucking family seems to be following the scent of the most recent evictee and they are conducting nightly tours of my bedroom looking for whoever disappeared last, which is bit of a vicious cycle at the minute!

    For all the pacifistic mice catchers- a brief word of warning, I noticed a humane flap trap had caught something at around 1am but couldn't face taking it out to the marshes until the following morning. By which time the poor fucker was 99% dead and couldn't even make it out of the trap to run free. Some 'humane' traps have almost no ventilation it seems, I may have to drill a few small holes next time.

    Anyway, did the merciful deed and dropped a 30kg paving slab on his head but it seriously reinforced the concept that I was not put on this planet to hurt other animals, yes they are an inconvenience but have as much right to an unimpeded existence as me.

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