This morning's commute and other commuting stories

castle baynard tunnel

Wow, 12 years of cycling in central London and I never knew that was there.

Might have to start avoiding "CS"1, so many commuter lemmings this morning, spent most of my time wincing at near misses. Too many cars on the school run as well of course.

Busy this morning. Seemed like there was way more traffic everywhere.

Everyone back from their holidays?

Temporary infrastructure on CS6 heading North by Stonecutter St is awful. It spits a segregated cycle lane right into a busy lane of traffic without any warning.

Saw an unrelated pileup of Southbound cyclists with a few people attending, looked nasty.

Don't the public schools (fuck you and your school terminology England, there's public schools and private schools) go back today?

Loads more people on bikes on the way in today than usual, which was surprising considering how cold it was.

Guess people are back to work after using the remaining holiday from last year to take last week off, and are now doing their new year's resolution to ride to work.

Guilty as charged

I rode in. Considering how sore I was after yesterday's ride I fucking smashed it.

What a shit show this morning was; three separate peds "stepping out" incidents in 10 minutes including a fucking pram.

I've had loads of those in the last week as well, including double helpings of the ones who see you and decide they're going to walk as close as possible for those sweet #minimalgainz
Fucking annoying but you can't really say anything without sounding like a cunt

I smear my own shit on my elbows before every commute.

Most people just use bog roll, but whatever works for you.

Don't flush it! Use it! Anti-smartphone-zombie-cunt paste should not be confused with Tynan's Anti Theft paste although the products are similar. Anti-smartphone-zombie-cunt paste is more fluid with a higher Smearing Factor for thorough distribution onto Smartphone-Zombie-Cunts. Embrace your paste!

Is there a product concept in this? When a bell doesn't work perhaps some sort of piss-spray device, and then the ASZC paste as the final line of defence.
Will get working on this asap

Towpath closure on river lea just south of Tottenham Hale. Supposed to have a diversion signed but they haven’t bothered so much confusion prevailed.

cunt paste ?

too far

Ah that's good, was considering giving 101 a ring - hope they actually start enforcing the order soon then! It's a bit of a shame cos all they really need is access to a skatepark or smth and they'd be sorted, but does make that section a fair bit more unpleasant. I like to give it some beans and stare them out so they know not to mess with me - worked so far

I've often wanted to fill a bottle with piss, just for the LOLs but 100% certain I'd end up drinking some of it before it was deployed...

You could just pick up one of the ones the cabbies leave behind. DNA wouldn't be traceable to you either...

#wearglovesandavoidsplashbackatallcosts

Lots of coke bottles along A roads, filled with yellow rain water... I could start collecting them.

My favourite smartphone zombie moments are when they step out, you shout, they drop their phone and their screen smashes. It has happened to me once. That was a good day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NFV8dHrZYM

Rode through that this morning - madness

Yep, it's pretty bad, had to halt for an oncoming bus whilst joining the road with a rush of cyclists behind, also saw a potentially connected rider down being attended to as well just before.

First commute of the year.

Lot of fluro, lots of cars. Was also puffing away and wincing at chest pains from slobbing at Christmas.

Coming back from a 35c degree xmas holiday myskin turned into penis skin and decided it was too cold to cycle...but today's train was a reminder of how awful it can get...still no intention to cycle this week so I will wait until the train thing give me anxiety issues and my skin harden...