British 'Winter Wonderlands'

In what is fast becoming a treasured British tradition, these are apparently intended to be temporary Christmas-themed fun fairs or amusement parks and inevitably result in a desultory experience, with the obligatory melted/plastic-sheeted/flooded/collapsed ice rink, some pretence at a Santa's Grotto, someone dressed up as a reindeer, and lots of mud, always mud, never snow or ice.

Here's the latest example:

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/mud-bath-crystal-palace-winterfest-christmas-fair-shuts-as-furious-families-brand-it-a-a3719051.html

Previous examples have included:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-25390071

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/11/20/winter-wonderland-attraction-branded-a-rip-off-and-shambles-afte/

http://metro.co.uk/2015/12/25/children-left-in-tears-by-complete-shambles-winter-wonderland-5584414/

Edit: The original and unsurpassed disaster. Thanks to Charlie for these links:

http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/88­63646.Lapland_New_Forest_trial__How_the_­story_unfolded/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lapland_Ne­w_Forest

Note that this doesn't include Christmas Markets, which, following the example of the Birmingham one, seem to work well and be popular.

The Hyde Park one seems to do well and perhaps-maybe -possibly covers the cost of having to re-turf the place after the inevitable mudbath

The one in Clacton has gone rogue:
http://www.clactonandfrintongazette.co.uk/news/15712738.Operators_of_Clacton_Winter_Wonderland_warned_over_committing_criminal_offence/

surely it's only stupid people who still go to these things
i mean, surely people must have read about these horror shows from last year and the year before and the year before that etc. any right minded person would surely be saying nah
they're like the family guy version of the north pole and santas happy elf factory

and anyone who hasn't watched that episode you really should just for the scene near the end where they try and make their first xmas drop to a lovely family in a suburban neighbourhood, things go slightly wrong, it's so brilliantly done

here's the scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jqc6l_RUbBQ

Note that this doesn't include Christmas Markets, which, following the example of the Birmingham one, seem to work well and be popular.

The one in Brum was started by Germans wasn't it Oliver?

There's something very British about these perennial failures. I imagine them being ran by Joe and Eddy Grundy-esque characters.

You deserve to be disappointed if you go to one of these.

This one set the standard that all the imitators are trying to match:-
http://www.bournemouthecho.co.uk/news/8863646.Lapland_New_Forest_trial__How_the_story_unfolded/

I particularly like the reference to the colostomy bag and the "slow, deep, cockney-inflected voice".

The trial for fraud continued the farce https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lapland_New_Forest

I blame global warming

The one in Brum was started by Germans wasn't it Oliver?

Hm, I thought I read once that the original idea came from a Brit, but this article says the main organiser has been a German for nearly 20 years (I imagine it may not have run every year of those 20):

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-30006242

Kurt Stroscher, from Frankfurt's tourist board, organises both cities' markets, and has been in charge of the West Midlands version since its trial run almost 20 years ago.
I don't think so--I think I remember reading that it was a Brit.

There's something very British about these perennial failures. I imagine them being ran by Joe and Eddy Grundy-esque characters.

The main problem (except in the case Charlie has just posted) is probably just small businesses trying to lift far too much, and I wouldn't particularly want to ridicule them, although a major part of it are obviously extravagant promises they can't keep, and in a sense they bring it on themselves. As Howard says, the one in Hyde Park is successful, and I'd completely forgotten about it, but that's undoubtedly backed by bigger money.

I suppose it would be much easier in an area where there is guaranteed snow, so that at least some of the shortcomings might be masked by that, but that won't work in the South.

Thanks, Charlie, that's the one I was trying to remember, but I couldn't find it.

The main part of the current Wikipedia text:

Upon opening, the park received a great deal of infamy in the United Kingdom due to the extremely poor quality of its attractions; the nativity scene was a crudely painted billboard that could be seen across a muddy field, the 'magical tunnel of light' was a line of trees with fairy lights dangling from them, the ice rink had melted due to a faulty generator, the 'log cabins' were empty garden sheds, the Christmas market consisted of only four stalls and required an extra fee to enter, animals were mistreated and tethered in the mud, and Santa's grotto was a very badly decorated cabin.

Children who had looked forward to the event were reduced to tears, especially when Santa was caught smoking. Violence began flaring up between visitors and workers, including an elf who was slapped and yelled at by a mother who complained about the event, two fathers brawling in the Gingerbread house, Santa being punched in the face by a father who became furious after being told his children were not allowed to sit on Santa's lap despite waiting in a four hour-long queue, and a worker dressed up as a snowman received so much verbal abuse that he eventually walked off in full costume.[4][5]

After being open for less than one week the park closed and its website was removed. In February 2011, Victor Mears and Henry Mears, the brothers who ran the park, were found guilty of misleading advertising, and were jailed for 13 months each in March 2011.[6]

In October 2011 the pair had their convictions quashed by the Court of Appeal following revelations that one of the jurors had been texting her fiance during the trial. The fiance had been present in court and the text messages (one of which simply read "guilty") had been seen by other jurors. The Court of Appeal's view was that this made the convictions unsafe. Dorset County Council, which had brought the original prosecution, subsequently indicated that it would not be seeking a retrial as the brothers had already served prison sentences.

Ice rink closed as too slippery is up there with the best excuses ever written.

I think you are impugning the Grundys.
A Grundy WWLand wiuld be inept, but they would not miss the opportunity to sell 'Winter/Xmas Scrumpy' in the queue to Santa's Grotto, and as we all know partially sloshed punters are likely to overlook minor shortcomings. They would also be offering a 'Choose/Catch your own Turkey' stall. Clarry (sp?), would also have been busy baking, with Poacher's pies being a good seller. Again full stomachs equal fewer complaints.
A Grundy WWLand would be a let down, but Eddy would at least have the nous to hire a snow machine.
The famous disaster WWLands are run by cynical crooks more like Nelson Gabriel or for more modern listeners Matt Crawford.

The Crystal Palace one was shockingly bad, a few plastic and cardboard reindeers, some antlers stuck onto the caterpillar ride and the stalls with some token Christmas decs, no back up Santa and an Ice Rink that couldn't freeze.

Jokes

cheese wonderlands / festivals are no better

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/organisers-of-diabolical-cheese-festival-hit-back-as-angry-foodies-demand-refunds-for-worst-event-a3721656.html

all you can eat cheese for £30

.. staff that were meant to be doing face-painting... weren't even there

surely it's only stupid people who still go to these things

Most people are stupid.

Case closed.

As if the coronavirus pandemic wasn't already devastating enough, it seems there's no chance this year of any festive cheer from Winter Wonderlands. :(

A friend is involved with it and he's heard nothing

I've always thought Winter Wonderland was a bit naff but I got dragged there at the beginning of the year and had a great time. Went on some big rollercoaster, won a stuffed toy, ate some vegan junkfood. I'd like to go agin but considering how packed it was and how big the queues already were to get in I can't imagine it working in a pandemic.

To clarify, this thread isn't about any successful Winter Wonderlands, but about the bare-white-marquee-Santa's-Grotto-no-snow-plastic-reindeer-thanks-you-made-my-child-cry kind of 'wonderland'. The Hyde Park thing can >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> :)

What about the Santa’s Grotto industry this year, asking snotty Covid vectors if they have been well behaved all day looks like a death sentence for elderly obese chaps.

They're all the same to me

The Hyde Park one was so bleak when I got dragged along. Loads of coked up Essex types drinking in the German bars, games which were impossible to win and Middle Eastern tourists wrecking their Balenciagas in a mixture of mud and litter.