This morning's commute and other commuting stories

she connects at about 20 mph, we both go down and now my knee really fucking hurts

Reading this I'm surprised a lawyer didn't materialise from behind a lamp post, waving forms and the prospect of compensation

She's dead now, yes?

well, obviously.

shame really, she seemed nice.

Hope you got her insurance details (cos cyclists have insurance innit?).

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I hope you punched her in the cock.

Cycling is the new Tube. Don't make eye contact. Don't say a fucking word.

Consider yourself lucky I wasn't there though. I would've had both your wallets.

Had an accident at work?

Did you get drunk at the Christmas party and murder seven of your colleagues?

Call hippy now for quotes on shallow grave burials! Your choice of forest. Your choice of depth. Discounts for seniors card holders.

Try our premium 'unlikely to be found by dog walkers' service.

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I woke up at 10am, tried to WFH, no fucking internet. Caught train in to work.

#rockstarlyf

Caught train in to work.

Coward

I woke up at 10am, tried to WFH, no fucking internet. Caught train in to work.

#rockstarlyf

Woke up in Switzerland. Caught plane in to work.

Woke up in Switzerland.

Must have been one hell of a night.

Pretty crazy...

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Woke up in Switzerland. Caught plane in to work.

#rockstarlyf

Woke up in Switzerland. Cycled sedately in to work on excellent cycle paths. Arrived a bit later than most colleagues...

I heard there was some red light running chick on the roads. I was too scared to cycle.

I've been to Switzerland. They took my beer off me. Fuck Switzerland.

Is that the wormhole through which you fell into Switzerland?

If only I could get to Switzerland by wormhole rather than Easyjet. It is, however, the longest light tunnel in Europe with 28,750 lights.

Just had a very strange encounter outside the train station. Was crossing the road to the Tesco express, a car was waiting to turn right out of the car park but was taking its sweet time, possibly waiting to see what the traffic coming out the train station was doing. Anyway I crossed to the central res pushing my bike and suddenly the car accelerated violently and directly at me. My immediate reaction was it was on purpose, to scare me, and for some reason I just stopped and held my ground. The car stopped and I just bellowed at it 'what the fuck are you doing mate' and swore a little more. At that point some white knight across the road started shouting at me that it was a woman and that I shouldn't be shouting at her. I mean what the actual fuck, I just had a car charge me, stop within a foot of me and somehow the driver's gender dictates my response? I told him that but he just went on and on about how women can't be sworn at, that I had bo respect for women and how because of it I would die sad and alone. It got heated before I just broke away and went to the shop telling to shut up. Got my stuff and headed back out, on the bike and by the entrance he is sat there on the pavement rolling a fag with various bits and pieces in front of him. I eyeball him for a moment and say 'I'm the one who is going to die sad and alone?' And ride off after which he shouts after me he hopes I get run over.

Tl:dr almost get run over by a car charging me, swear at car, get verbally attacked for swearing because driver is a woman by homeless white knight.

Still trying to process the logical dissonance: it's actually just fucking sexist. If a driver pulls a shit move they deserve to be called on it, regardless of gender.

i hope that woman realises she owes that supreme gentleman sex now that he protected her honour.

Very true

I suspect the man had bigger issues.

shout out to the ten or so other cyclists stopped at the lights who didn't so much as ask if either of us was ok when we managed to scrape ourselves off the tarmac. not a fucking word.

Shit is why I often don't feel like I belong in this city.

Seriously considering moving back to Finland.

I know he did but I was not the aggressor in anyway, he cared not one iota a car had just stopped shy of hitting me and how that affected me, he just wanted to defend the female driver from my swearing at her, and said some horrible shit in the process.

Crashed on the way home last night - not used to these new brakes and skidded accordingly. Mashed my elbow up and a good amount of grue accrued in my jacket.

Xmas party today, so had to get the tube in.

Preferred the crash, of the two.

Riding a bike in London every day makes you realise that the average IQ is much lower than you would think. Sure it's sad and frustrating but it also means that you are in the top percentile...this is how I like to see it

Preferred the crash, of the two.

^ this