Owning your own home

Agreed, partly financial given it would be an attempt at selling it in November/ December most likely by the time everything was finished (there's still some work to be done in the flat) which could prove difficult, but also emotional in that having only split one month ago I'm pretty exhausted by the whole thing and not really ready to go through with the whole hassle of sale for a few months yet (we were together ten years). And of course there's ownership of stuff etc to sort through which would be quite difficult to do right now, but hopefully easier with time.

My initial thoughts were to sell asap but I just don't think that's realistic now

Sorry to hear it’s getting complicated. The legal situation on sale will be clear, the conveyancing solicitor will split the proceeds 50/50.

It doesn’t sound like her father is challenging the legal position, just making a practical suggestion, so I don’t think involving solicitors will help and could easily end up costing a lot more than half an estate agent’s fee.

You paying the interest in the mortgage while you still live there seems a very fair suggestion, but by continuing to pay the capital off you’re effectively gifting her a larger share of the property.

I’d stick strictly to a 50/50 arrangement, any wavering from that could end up spiralling and, as you say, if it doesn’t sell for months the amount of capital you pay off could be significant.

It doesn’t sound a very friendly way of doing it but it sounds like you understand that the potential for this to go wrong is huge.

Keep it simple and fair, stick to the arrangement you made when you moved in, and try not to spend a fortune on lawyers.

As for her father not wanting to accept a reasonable offer, I think you’ll just have to worry about that if it happens. Both he and your ex will want to move on emotionally and, so long as you’re not paying off the capital part of the mortgage, there’s no benefit to them hanging on other than to punish you, which it thankfully doesn’t sound like they want to do.

The market is pretty soft as well (assuming you are in London). Why not get some tenants in, wait a year for the heat to go out of the situation and then sell? Do either of you want / need to buy elsewhere immediately?

Thanks for all the advice so far. As expected lfgss always delivers in times of need. It's very helpful, so thanks.

Unfortunately I don't think rental is an options as the mortgage is too high, so I don't think we could change to a BTL mortgage, the rental income would be lower than what we currentky pay which as far as I understand would preclude this.

I also would like to buy somewhere new myself, for several reasons not keen to stay on here and buy her out, but as I'm self employed I would need to wait until next April for the end of the tax year statements for the new mortgage purposes. So that also lends to the spring sale to avoid an interim letting situation, although i do have options with friends if needed.

James, I've gone through almost exactly the same situation as you this year, although I took the property on.

You will need to draft up an agreement/ equity share between you and ex. Although she has asked her father to handle this she will need to sign it.

In this letter you can easily break down the costs of selling and the equity share.

I agree that I don't think it's fair you foot all the bills in order to sell the house, but this is something you'd need to decide on between yourselves.

Sorry to hear about your situation but you must look at this with as little emotion as possible. What's happened has happened.

You could potentially switch from a repayment to an interest only mortgage in December (ideally one without a minimum term or any fees etc). Makes things slightly more simple in that you're saving a bit of money and leaving the property 50/50 rather than gifting some equity as you might be if you were repaying the capital too.

Thanks all it's very helpful. I'll look into the mortgage advisors route and will avoid solicitor for now. It was more to ask their opinion rather than begin using their services but I think I have plenty to work with from the above suggestions.

I bought my flat with my now ex gf, 2 years ago all 50:50 split.

Is there an express (i.e. written) declaration of trust saying that you own it in equal shares? Might be important.

try not to spend a fortune on lawyers.

Say wut? Nooooo, fight hammer and tongs and spend all your money on lawyers. Money well spent, trust me.

Hot water pipes need replacing, our building inspector missed it... ~AU$3k to put right... FML...

On a more serious note, if you bought the property contributing equally to the deposit and mortgage repayments and you bought it on the basis that you own it jointly then I'd endorse what everyone else has said and would suggest that you stick to that. I'd make it clear, politely and firmly to GF's father that you're not going to pay the costs of sale from your share. You bought it 50/50 for better or worse, and if you start trying to vary that by allocating blame for the break-up then that's a sure-fire way of ending up paying lawyers money - which of course despite my flippant remarks above is not a good thing, as I continually try to remind my clients.

As for delaying the sale until spring, and you staying in the flat and paying the mortgage, if you're happy with that and she's happy with that then, provided you get everything in writing, preferably signed by her, then why not go with that? OK, if you're paying the mortgage then your payments will reduce the capital balance outstanding, and she'll benefit from half of that. Then again, if you only bought the place 2 years ago, the vast majority of what you're paying is likely to be interest and the capital element of the repayments is likely to be modest, so although there will be some benefit to her I doubt it'll be that much.

If you do agree to stay and service the mortgage (and you can't get it switched to an interest-only mortgage) then I would however suggest that you make it clear, and agree with the GF, that this arrangement will only last for a fixed period of time, after which you revert back to contributing towards the mortgage 50/50. It's one thing agreeing to a temporarily expedient short-term measure while you sell the flat. It's another thing taking on an open-ended commitment to pay the mortgage which you're both liable for.

I agree with @Hefty that's it's probably not necessary or prudent to get lawyered up yet. Keep it simple, but keep it all in writing so there's no scope of arguments later. Hope it all works out in the end.

See If you can get them to agree to you back-paying the additional share of mortgage out of the proceeds of the sale.

I'm going through this at the moment (waiting for planning permission currently so no building yet).

I went with an all-in-one firm but not sure if I would in hindsight. The architect they've provided hasn't been particularly good whereas picking one myself would probably have been better.

Interesting, thanks. The neighbour who’d had one done had gone the separate way and hadn’t much liked their architect, but was happy in the end.

As long as there’s not a big reason either way, it’s nice to know both are options.

We have the benefit of this firm having just designed an almost identical conversion round the corner, so we can see what they’d do with ours before committing.

Context: My flat has been for sale, sole agency for 6 weeks now, under a 10 week agreement. I not thrilled with the job they have done, but besides that, I no longer want to sell the flat. Are there any ramifications I could face by asking the Estate agent to cease with 4 weeks to go?

You’d need to read the contract, but it’s unlikely. Most only hold you to the term if you want to switch agents.

It’s not like they can force you to sell up.

Obvious answer is obvious (i.e. contact the lender/broker) but in theory:

Say my home was valued at £30. I had a mortgage for £20 which I had been paying off for a couple of years and I wanted to move to a house worth £35. Presumably it's not out of the realms of possibility to extend the mortgage by an extra £5 and that it would be an easier process than it was to get the original £20 mortgage (which being self employed required showing years of earnings etc)?

Check whether you actually have a 50/50 split of the mortgage, or whether you are jointly and individually liable for it. I also bought with an now-ex, and in theory we're each liable for the whole thing if the other stops paying - fortunately things are amicable. We've also maintained everything 50/50, we've been living together as housemates for a couple of years, but at some point one of us will have to buy the other out. I'm kind of hoping that's what will happen rather than selling, even though selling would probably be better financially. I suspect the crunch point will be in around 18months when the fixed period runs out.

Obvious answer is obvious (i.e. contact the lender/broker) but in theory:

Say my home was valued at £30. I had a mortgage for £20 which I had been paying off for a couple of years and I wanted to move to a house worth £35. Presumably it's not out of the realms of possibility to extend the mortgage by an extra £5 and that it would be an easier process than it was to get the original £20 mortgage (which being self employed required showing years of earnings etc)?

Yes, should be easy but also depends on:-

a) the term of the mortgage (borrowing a chunk more becomes more of a problem the less time there is left on the mortgage) assuming you don't (or can't) extend the mortgage
b) costs associated with buying/selling/moving (conveyancing, surveys, removals and, not least, stamp duty)

Just calculate the repayments based on the new figures and compare with what you pay now, also with a plan of where the SDLT/costs are going to come from.

Sadly it’ll be just as complex as last time.

A friend of mine wanted to do it the other way - reduce his mortgage from £25 to £20. His lender made him go through all the checks again and because he’d had two lean years at work they refused to lend him less than he was currently borrowing and had paid back without problem for the lean years. Nonsense, but them’s the rules.

Depending on when you got the last mortgage it may have got slightly harder or slightly easier but it’ll still be a full application.

Check whether you actually have a 50/50 split of the mortgage, or whether you are jointly and individually liable for it.

You're always going to be jointly liable on the mortgage. No mortgage lender is going to let you get away with only being liable for half the sum advanced under the mortgage. Not that I've seen in more years than I care to remember looking at and drafting mortgage T&Cs anyway.

I'm sure you're right. There was something that we were offered (by solicitor) that I guess just set out that we'd contributed 50/50, or something like that.

That would be a declaration of trust. Generally a good idea. But not binding on the mortgagee.

Thanks @danstuff @hoefla @Howard for all the help. much appreciated!!!

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