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Ha! - or gets run over the first time it goes out.
I have heard back from the surveyor this morning.
Turns out it's actually pretty simple; all I have to do is demolish the pier, insert a vertical steel beam from the ground up to reinforce the lintel already there. Then I have to have a steel frame made around the area that the catflap is going before rebuilding, refinishing and repainting the wall inside and out. He said it would be 'costly'.
True. We don't even have it yet. Might turn out to be a complete bastard.