The Vegan Thread

Ok, I have to write this up in the book anyway so I'll give it a go.

You will need to acquire dried chilies. I tend to use two big ancho poblano, three or so cascabel and a couple of arbol for extra heat. Costeño or new mexico would be could, but I can never find them.

Tear your chilies up, discard the seeds (because commercially dried chilies never seem to germinate, sadface) and toast in a heavy pan until delicious and pliable. Don't burn them.

Add to this a litre or so of your best stock (I use half-strength marigold swiss) and simmer for some time until you have some boiled chilies in maybe 300ml of liquid. Decant chilies and enough stock to cover them into the plastic pint glass type thing that came with your stick blender. Reserve the rest of the stock.

In the meantime, toast and grind at least a tablespoon of cumin and coriander seeds, a few cloves and a couple of star anise (I never know whether to do the whole things or just the shiny bits) and add to the chilies. Also add a teaspoon of your favourite yeast extract, two teaspoons of soy sauce, some tomato paste, a tablespoon or two of as finely-ground covfefe as you can manage and half a bar of dark chocolate. Maybe some chipotles in adobo for a smoky kick.

Blend. Blend more. Dip your finger in and revel in its glory. Adjust to taste. Blend even more. Clean up the mess. The resultant paste freezes pretty well, so you can scale up or down.

For the chilli itself:
I use one or two tins of chickpeas, two tins of kidney beans, one tin or carton of black beans and a tin of whole tomatoes in juice.

Drain the chickpeas, reserving some of the precious aquafaba and a few peas to make mayonnaise. Add the liquid to the remaining stock, and blitz the chickpeas in bursts to a coarse, mincey texture.

Add tomatoes to the chickpea liquid, breaking them up with your mighty vegan hands and removing the tough innards. Drain kidney beans and reserve liquid for topping up the chilli.

Dice a big tasty onion and fry over a medium heat in a big enameled cast iron pan or w/e in plenty of oil. Like 3tbsp ish. Grate three cloves of garlic on a microplane, add to the softened onion and fry until fragrant, with a big helping of dried oregano. Then add the chilli paste and continue to fry for a couple of minutes, add tomatopeastock, stir well, and add all the pulses.

Bring to a gentle simmer and cook for about an hour and a half, until the chickpeas are soft and the chilli is thick. Stir pretty often, or it will stick and burn. I haven't worked out if this is just my pot/burner/general mix or if it's a general problem. Top up with kidney juice if necessary at any point.

Just before serving, mix in a shot of bourbon and some Frank's hot sauce, to taste, and eat with nachos, guacamole, something like sour cream and pickled jalapeños. Any other way is wrong.