Owning your own home

Buy, burn down windmill in 'accident', build three story eight bedroom eyesore / mansion?

Buy windmill.

Mill Hipster craft flour and bake bread.

Profit.

^^^That sounds sensible, but look at the windmill!

It's a working windmill from 1665!

What's that worth in garden ornament top trumps?

It's one residential property, a normal mortgage would be fine.

But a Grade I Listing is something to be taken very, very seriously. There are only a few hundred Grade I Listed buildings in most counties and 90% of them are churches and castles and shit. You can't paint a wall or replace a broken tile or put up a picture without permission. I'd go nowhere near it unless you get a kick from bureaucracy and have very deep pockets.

I'm not sure why you'd want to paint the windmill a different colour, I imagine that maintenance might be an exciting way of spending money though.

But it's a fucking windmill!

Which looks like it's remained unsold for some time, from a brief Google.

It's a working windmill from 1665!

How long did it take for the parquet floor? Just checking....

I don't think I'd be allowed to re-floor it, see Hefty's comment about the listing.

That was more a comment on likely lead time for repairs to the windmill.

But you would have a project that would never finish. That I think is the appeal for you.

Insurance would be stratospheric.

They should pay you to take the windmill

But think of the flour!

You're basically paying £800k for a 3 bed bungalow.

Fuck that.

But imagine the phone call:

• Hello, this is Susan from Admiral, how can I help?
  
• Hi! I'd like to get a quote for my 350 year old, grade 1 listed windmill please
  
• I'm going to need a bigger calculator, can you hold?
  

But it's a windmill!!!!!!!!!

+flour making facility

To quote Amey, you'd never be short of Instagram likes again

"Potential for tea room". Presuming that's not your own personal tea room, quit your job, set up a tea room/cafe for cyclists? It's in Surrey, there are loads of spendy mamils.

So you'd fit right in!

(sorry)

You can re-enact scenes from Loaf and Death. You would clearly have to play Piella.

I suspect the tea-room would not cover the mortgage, tbh.

Renting the site out to film companies and so forth might bring in a bit of cash, thinking about it.

Hiscox would be all over it ...

Plus, obviously, a range of Windmill themed gnomes in the gift shop.