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Volvo based mobile tig welder?
That or dressing up as a ghost and jumping out on riders at 3am somewhere around Wednesday or Thursday.
Definitely talk to Scheritt before making any decisions though. It's a difficult one. All my audax suffering tends to be cumulative contact point related issues, all of which tend to make things progressively more awful, but are not as dramatically ride ending as knee or ankle issues. Just don't do anything that would result in permanent damage.
Sorry to hear that. I believe there is a nice 1000km from Maastricht at the end of August if you healed up.
I recommend volunteering if you can take the strain.
https://londonedinburghlondon.com/volunteer-me/