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This fella is a weapons grade weapon.
https://chriswelhamcycling.wordpress.com/2015/07/02/my-story/
andyp-
Hilarious:
Normally this accreditation takes between 10 months and a year to complete – I had acquired this in six weeks! Bikes geared for the velodrome are near impossible for mere mortals – the gearing is so high that you need immense leg power and perfectly efficient technique, your legs need to work dead straight up and down like pistons to avoid unbalancing the bike.
Beats everything in 'Shit fixie-skidders say' hands down, but then he is rather competitive so can be expected to win there, too.
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The man is a hero.
I was on course for superstardom and in the July I competed in the Tour De France again. This time the race was over 92 miles and I started in 11,000th place out of 13,500 competitors. The further back you start the faster you are in an attempt to ensure the field finishes at the same time.
The day started out fine with bright sunshine however at the 50 mile mark a torrential rainstorm hit. I climbing to the highest point of the stage – a 1 ½ hour climb and was soon suffering in -8C conditions – on the descent I began shaking uncontrollably and soon joined hundreds of others in a makeshift field hospital set up in a village town hall.
Whilst many others were airlifted to hospital, I set off once again despite being diagnosed with hypothermia. All I got for finishing was a tiny penis.
Oliver Schick
TM
Weapons training innit. You don't get to be total weapon without two weeks of commitment, and only then you can be exceptionally proud.