Crap 'Buzzwords'

heard someone use 'futurecast' the other day, apparently sincerely

And I thought it was bad enough with devs calling themselves 'ninjas', 'pirates' and 'insert programming language evangelists'. I hate my ilk sometimes...

A lot of cascading in my world this week...

I've never met someone who actually calls themselves that though, it's recruiters that came up with that shit.

I just received an email with a splendid signature. Under senders name it just said:

Fork us on Git hub

I think that means something in the world of software.
Needless to say I forked him within an inch of his life

We received a job request from the head IT tutor to move text books from a first floor classroom to a ground floor one. I went to recce the job and met her upstairs. There were loads of books. I said that my colleague (recent heart attack) was about to go home and that I was too, an hour later. I said another colleague would be in then but he would be alone and that there is nobody over the weekend etc.
She replied "Well we have no bandwidth so can't do it ourselves"
Fucking BANDWIDTH!

Were they e-books?

You should have punched her.

She's the head IT tutor so explain that you do have bandwidth, but that your packet delivery rate is very low.

This is from 2012, before I had any contact with her but as you can hear she really can talk.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hBmUrpUpjA

Data Lake

We had a company meeting the other day where the term "operational leakage" was introduced.

.

"We've got some customer dis-sat on this account..."

I heard that one today. Data swamp more like.

https://www.ft.com/lucycolumn

It's only 10:30 on Monday and I've already done Imagineering and ideation

Imagineering

That's awesome. I'm going to start using it at.

Got a meeting on a negative audit of one of our vendors at lunch. I'll be suggesting that they go away and imagineer a response to the major finding.

Haha - glad to be of assistance.
Good luck with your meeting!!!

Came here to post that. Absolute gold....“Doubling down on our humanness will be the magic in how we drive better outcomes.”

'Coffee-forward' just blew my mind.

Also:

“You have to appreciate that the milestones we have set in these swim lanes provide a road map for this flow chart. When we get to toll gates, we’ll assess where you sit in the waterfall . . . ”

Has anyone ever challenged someone using this buzzword/management bollocks ?
I did once and the looks I was given were a mixture of 'you don't understand underling/don't challenge the team.
Someone tried to defend the use of this language by claiming it was a good way to convey the message - I just thought he was trying to sound intelligent.

I'm a copywriter, so I often have to translate this bollocks into plain English. It's quite prevalent where I work (marketing agency) but most people are honest enough about it being bollocks if you say so from a position of authority (i.e. mine)

I find it's sometimes better to simply explain their point back to them using the common tongue.