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Oliver Schick
I'm from Jordanstown - Monkstown was known as 'Monkey Zoo'.
The billion breaks down as follows:
£500m – flegs
£100m – red road paint
£100m – white road paint
£100m – blue road paint
£50m – gay cure research
£5m – reinforced marching shoes
£2m – 50-foot statue of Ian Paisley (to be sited at the top of Garvaghy Road)
£49.95m – more flegs
£50m – pregnancy test kits (for use at Larne and Aldergrove to stop the little sluts escaping)
£50k – a wee café for the lad the boss’s wife is schtupping
The rest – more flegs