Crap 'Buzzwords'

But sometimes sideways, and various different shaped blocks.

-> Tetris chart?

Can I have "nice to e-meet you" ?

Has the ring of someone who still can't believe email has been invented.

Linked in? I got that the other day

Can everyone stop patching and looping please.

Sorry caller, I don't copy. Could you repeat that?

Looks like it's "on her radar"

OTOH nautical metaphors are definitely allowed. And cricket.

Swimlane diagrams are used to visually align different workstream activities to compare timelines. There should be no jumping between lanes.

"worry beads"

We had a 'deep-dive' into our needs with a supplier last week.

Lots of pleased looks on their side of the table with their new buzzphrase, lots of eye rolling on ours...

context?

"Double-confirm"

"One of my worry beads about the new digital offering is around the colleague experience piece."

Worry beads? Surely it's all about fidget spinners these days?

I think they mean concerns.
"I'm concerned the staff won't want to use the new app"

People calling excel spreadsheets 'grids'.

I hear the term "matrix" a lot. It sounds cooler than "table", or "spreadsheet".

A lot of my American colleagues wish to double-click on things, I have inferred that this means to study in greater depth/provide a more detailed explanation on certain parts of a process/service.

I thought it was a euphemism for masterbation, initially, which led to a degree of confusion.

We're really struggling to climb the strategic hill right now

I'm sure it's been brought up before but I am utterly sick of people referring to powerpoint documents as 'decks'.

Also I recently received an email asking if i'd like to become an 'Agile Hero'.

I'd ask you to forward that, but I'm a martyr to my back these days.

Wait until they move to the Spotify agile model.

Squads, chapters, tribes and guilds.

Twats.

According to the excellent Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary

Worry bead [n.] A bothersome subject tracked by executives on a rotating basis. Like Rosary Beads are counted during prayers, worry bead items are discussed on a regular schedule.

Don't forget the 'normal' Scrum ceremonies and artefacts.

holy fuck they've just tried that shit where i am. it's been ignored.

Might try and assemble a phalanx.