Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Anyone got any tips (that work) for stopping the neighbourhood cats shitting in my garden? Fucking annoys the hell out of me that I have to constantly watch to check my toddler isn't digging up, stepping or falling on fresh stinking cat shit in our own back garden. It's in the borders, veg patch and all along one edge of the lawn. It's killing my nice new grass too. I like cats but am one step away from deploying the hose. Problem with that is that we're a terrace and both neighbours have cats and can see into my garden, so would spot me being mean to them. Do those ultrasonic things work? Tigershit? What?

Befriend cat
Catch cat
Sack, bricks, canal

Jesus.

As a cat owner, I say use your hose. They're waterproof.

I've bought anti-cat powder from B&Q in the past. Smells like pepper spray. Not ideal for kids playing, I imagine.

For about £40 you can get a robot motion-detecting water-sprayer.

Get a cat.

Second the hose. If my cats were annoying my neighbours I'd have no problem with them using the hose to scare them off. Better than them kicking the fuckers or lobbing bricks at them. None of the other stuff like silent roar ever worked for me in the past.

We have cats who are well fenced in but the neighbourhood cats all want to get in. We have 2 supersoakers on hand just to discourage them. And. Hey. Waterguns!!

I've got loads of old tiles that I'd like to use to make some little paths on our allotment. Can I just put some weed barrier stuff down and put them on top? Do I need to bed them on some sand (I'd rather not)?
I only want it to be semi-permenant, in case we change our mind. And also doesn't need to be perfect, our plot is kind of shabby chic anyway, compared to the neighboring plots which look like National Trust gardens.

Get a dog

Ftfy

Unless it lives outside, won't help.

We have 2 cats and lots of other visiting cats, they all crap elsewhere.

Nasturtiums. The nice thing is you can put the flowers in salads and make pickled caper berries.

Sweetpea.

Chilli pepper peeps (@BRM) - I've got three small seedling pots growing with a bunch of seedlings in each. I'll need to plant them soonish. Internet talks about both spreading them out as well as planting them in bunches (for support). Any advice on what I should be aiming to do when I plant them? I was going to put them all in a balcony style box.

i always kept them separate to be able to pollinate them. pinch out the tops when they start to take off.

Anyone got any tips (that work) for stopping the neighbourhood cats shitting in my garden?

Move somewhere without cats.

I've started putting bent bits of garden wire in the flower beds to make them a faff for the cats to walk through and squat in, but not convinced it works yet.

Basically, lots of ground cover plants and no loose soil should help but it's not guaranteed

I have used something similar to this ... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B008ID91XI

Electric fence?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kDgkwn7lnc

This guy used 900v which is probably a bit much.

I built one to keep slugs away today using a 9v battery, works great.

At our allotment we did just that (plus stamping the ground underneath down first), and after about a year the weedkiller had washed away and plants grow up between, which we keep short with shears. At the end of the day it's an allotment, for growing stuff. Annoys me to hell when people have sub par plots/veg but beautifully painted sheds etc etc.

Thanks. That's a job for tomorrow then. It's actually going in my son's mini-plot, within our allotment.

Sounds lovely, looking forward to seeing the result

So, I have a 5x3m south facing balcony with glass all round which since moving in last year I've done fuck all with. Gets nuff sunlight.
What am I not too late to plant and reap the benefits of if I put some effort in next weekend to get stuff? Only interested in stuff I can eat. I have 2 really deep(60cm ish deep x 30cm) square pots that are unused.

Budget is super minimal. I can keep orchids alive but would not consider myself green fingered.
I'm pruning trees at a disused garden centre all week so should be able to scrounge a few pots at least.

Couple of grobags + tomato plants?
Rocket and radishes are almost instant crops.

Might get away with aubergines if you get 'em in now - can be great croppers
Chillis?

Cool. Chillis just need an appropriate sized pot for plant and a bit of support right?
Growing salad leaves, onions, and peppers would be priority I suppose as that's what we get through most of. Tray for rocket?
What needs deep soil and what will be happy in bags?
Some berries would be nice too. Long term I might get some balcony rail planters as well but they seem spendy.

Am in e17 if anyone has any excess of plants they want rid of.

My redcurrant, after ensuring the rootrock ( that in my negligence retarded it for a couple of years), was solved, gives reliable, pest-free cropping. Thirsty at peak production.
Bit late this year, but come the autumn you are welcome to some 8-10 inch prunings as hardwood cuttings.