Let's offroad / mountain bike / mtb / ride dirt

i assume you can't do beastway on a cross bike?

Yeah, you can. I did a few last year. It's hard to be competitive, mostly because it tends to be pretty bumpy, but it's a good challenge.

Yep @platypus nailed it. Continental X-Kings, ProTection version if funds allow. Amazing tyres for this stuff. I ran 2.4s for Tour Divide, didn't need to swap due to wear, rear had done 3000 miles by the end of TD and did another 400 miles back home before it started getting punctures.

I ordered a Surly ECR fork for my Inbred. Triton Cycles claimed to have it in stock, but then didn't. Now I am looking for a replacement. Will 483mm a-c be too much for the frame?

I've got a Stronglight double with a shimano cartridge bb which I took off my surly cross check. It's 48/34 175mm iirc. Nice zircal chain rings.

Thanks, but I relented and bought some Zee cranks off eBay.

Here's some comedy for you all if you want to hear the trials and tribulations of someone who has built a lot of bikes, but never a MTB:

1. Bought Dialled Prince Albert frame from STW - Frame came with a headset and SRAM GXP BB installed and Truvativ Stylo (2x) GXP cranks not installed
   
2. Bought and fitted 30T RaceFace Narrow Wide chainring to Stylo cranks
   
3. Bought all remaining parts minus brakes, gear cable outer, and pedals from @furious_tiles plus a cardboard box full of 26" tyres
   
4. Attempted to fit everything to the frame, cranks wouldn't install properly - NDS crank arm bolt threads wouldn't engage with the threads on the axle. Initial investigation determined this was due to the axle needing to be about 5mm further through the BB than it was managing to fit. No amount of grease and hammering/malleting would force the axle through the BB any further. I also couldn't fit the gear cable because the frame required full length outer, which I didn't have at home, only shorter sections.
   
5. Out of the box of many tyres, only the Nobby Nic fitted on the front wheel and none on the rear. I snapped about 3 tyre levers and punctured 1 tube in the process of attempting to fit other tyres to the front and rear wheels
   
6. Bought a brand new Nobby Nic for the rear wheel and a brand new Deore rear brake and lever as they were on discount at CRC, and I returned all the other used tyres back into the cardboard box, sealed it up, and put it in the shed
   
7. Bought a cheap, but "like new" front Deore brake and lever from eBay
   
8. Fitted the new Nobby Nic to the rear wheel, it fitted very easily and only 2 tyre lever actions were required. It made the ~4 hours I wasted trying to fit all the other tyres seem like a total waste of time
   
9. Fitted rear brake from CRC, but because I am short and as a result the frame is so small it needed the hose shortening - with no experience in this I didn't want to risk trying this myself so it still needs doing
   
10. eBay seller sent the Deore brake and lever without the pads fitted and without the plastic spacer between the pistons, first thing I did when it arrived was to pull the lever to give it a try. I wondered why it felt so weird, so I pulled the lever a few more times... Resulting in one of the pistons partially popping out of the caliper, and fluid leaking over my carpet and hands. Pushed piston back in, but that definitely needs bleeding now.
    
11. Asked @furious_tiles for some help on fitting the cranks via WhatsApp with lots of pictures, both of us stumped, he offered to send me some cranks that would fit my BB.
    
12. Truvativ Howitzers arrived from @furious_tiles - they did not fit my GXP BB and my RaceFace Narrow Wide chainring I bought was also a different BCD to that of the Howitzers.
    
13. Decided to buy a Howitzer BB from CRC for £30 as they would deliver fairly quickly, but after completing the purchase I realised I had forgotten to also buy the chainring! I went back onto CRC and realised that to make the free cranks from Tim work, I would need to spend about £65 in total, not far off a decent used 1x Shimano setup which I'd much prefer.
    
14. Scour eBay and find a barely used Zee crankset with 32T RSP narrow wide chainring fitted and HTii BB with a seller who's quick to respond and willing to take a couple of quid for quicker delivery.
    
    

The Zees should arrive today or tomorrow and I will then have less than a week to get the bike to a shop to change the BB (I don't have a GXP spanner or HTii tools), fit the cranks, and setup and bleed the front brake, and shorten the hose on the rear brake. If I can get that done before next Friday, I will then throw the bike into the back of my car to go see @furious_tiles with @cake and @Frank and ride BPW next weekend. On an untested bike...

I miss riding a BMX

What's it like? Why so hard on tyres?

eBay seller sent the Deore brake and lever without the pads fitted and without the plastic spacer between the pistons, first thing I did when it arrived was to pull the lever to give it a try. I wondered why it felt so weird, so I pulled the lever a few more times... Resulting in one of the pistons partially popping out of the caliper, and fluid leaking over my carpet and hands. Pushed piston back in, but that definitely needs bleeding now.

This was my fave. It's probably fucked now.

Is it actually?
If it is I need to buy another brake

Flint. You should have a read of the SDW thread.

There were some tasty insta-flats on Jammy's Brixton to Barhnham ride, all on the SDW section...

CX tyres seem to be particularly vulnerable.

Maybe. Pushing the pistons back in aint good for the seals of which Shimno in their infinite wisdom do not sell on as a spare part. IIRC anyway.

It works, the pads move in and out, but the travel is the full length of the lever stroke.

Yeah - you only find it's broken when it leaks and destroys your pads and ruins your weekend at bike park wales.

This is like a case study in why it's sometimes a terrible idea to buy used MTB shiz.

Bought Dialled Prince Albert frame from STW - Frame came with a headset and SRAM GXP BB installed and Truvativ Stylo (2x) GXP cranks not installed

Bought and fitted 30T RaceFace Narrow Wide chainring to Stylo cranks
Bought all remaining parts minus brakes, gear cable outer, and pedals from @furious_tiles plus a cardboard box full of 26" tyres
Attempted to fit everything to the frame, cranks wouldn't install properly - NDS crank arm bolt threads wouldn't engage with the threads on the axle. Initial investigation determined this was due to the axle needing to be about 5mm further through the BB than it was managing to fit. No amount of grease and hammering/malleting would force the axle through the BB any further. I also couldn't fit the gear cable because the frame required full length outer, which I didn't have at home, only shorter sections.
Out of the box of many tyres, only the Nobby Nic fitted on the front wheel and none on the rear. I snapped about 3 tyre levers and punctured 1 tube in the process of attempting to fit other tyres to the front and rear wheels
Bought a brand new Nobby Nic for the rear wheel and a brand new Deore rear brake and lever as they were on discount at CRC, and I returned all the other used tyres back into the cardboard box, sealed it up, and put it in the shed
Bought a cheap, but "like new" front Deore brake and lever from eBay
Fitted the new Nobby Nic to the rear wheel, it fitted very easily and only 2 tyre lever actions were required. It made the ~4 hours I wasted trying to fit all the other tyres seem like a total waste of time
Fitted rear brake from CRC, but because I am short and as a result the frame is so small it needed the hose shortening - with no experience in this I didn't want to risk trying this myself so it still needs doing
eBay seller sent the Deore brake and lever without the pads fitted and without the plastic spacer between the pistons, first thing I did when it arrived was to pull the lever to give it a try. I wondered why it felt so weird, so I pulled the lever a few more times... Resulting in one of the pistons partially popping out of the caliper, and fluid leaking over my carpet and hands. Pushed piston back in, but that definitely needs bleeding now.
Asked @furious_tiles for some help on fitting the cranks via WhatsApp with lots of pictures, both of us stumped, he offered to send me some cranks that would fit my BB.
Truvativ Howitzers arrived from @furious_tiles - they did not fit my GXP BB and my RaceFace Narrow Wide chainring I bought was also a different BCD to that of the Howitzers.
Decided to buy a Howitzer BB from CRC for £30 as they would deliver fairly quickly, but after completing the purchase I realised I had forgotten to also buy the chainring! I went back onto CRC and realised that to make the free cranks from Tim work, I would need to spend about £65 in total, not far off a decent used 1x Shimano setup which I'd much prefer.
Scour eBay and find a barely used Zee crankset with 32T RSP narrow wide chainring fitted and HTii BB with a seller who's quick to respond and willing to take a couple of quid for quicker delivery.

Looks like something I should try on the road bike... can't be any worse than Bosnia/Macedonia :)

Ugh. What a waste of £35.

I think I can say that on repeat.

Verging on Scoble-tastic

It might be OK. I usually bring a spare pair of brakes to BPW anyhoo. They've come in handy...for other people. Most of whom were using second hand brakes.

As I am conscious that I may have accidentally besmirched @furious_tiles good name, I would like to ensure that it's known that everything he has supplied has been fine.

The Stylo cranks and GXP BB were from the frame seller and the front brake that I have apparently fucked is from an eBay seller. Although one can't really blame him entirely, I should have noticed that there was nothing stopping the pistons coming out. In my defence, I have never worked on MTB disc brakes before, only car disc brakes, on which that isn't something you usually have to consider.

At least it was only mineral oil. Dot 4 on your carpet would really suck.

I think I would have taken more care if it wasn't mineral oil, I'd read in advance a few times that Shimano was mineral so I was being a bit carefree.

Having seen what DOT4 did to my mate's garage floor I'm always careful of that.

Who should I take the bike to for shortening the rear brake hose and advising if the front is fucked? I'm based in Dalston so East would be preferable.

Yeah. I found out how tricky MTB stuff had become the hard way too. Frustrating and expensive.

Did you look to see if there was a spacer on the GXP BB?
GXP is GXP. I've never had any problems that aren't spacer related.
I hope this advice does not frustrate you further and appologise in advance if it does.