This morning's commute and other commuting stories

I had a scooterist compliment me on my smooth whip skid cornering tekkers this morning. And he had an L plate.

That's the whole point of the ASL: cyclists should spread out across the width of it. Makes it safer for all concerned. I'm a slower cyclist and there's no way I'm queuing miles back down the nearside lane at the lights like a chump. When the lights change I let the faster cyclists move off and then merge gracefully back to the nearside.

I heard someone shouting behind me as I was coming around Parliament Square today. Turned out it was a scooter rider, shouting about me not riding in the cycle lane. I explained that I wasn't under any obligation to use it and he replied "oh yeah, so can I stop in the bike box at the traffic lights then?". I explained that no he couldn't, as that'd be illegal.

He then rode off shouting about how cyclists want it both ways and calling me an arsehole.

I'm ashamed to say I called him a cunt in front of lots of tourists.

The cycle lanes around Parliament Square are an absolute fucking joke and need to be scrubbed off right now.

I've been round it a few times and get totally confused every time. Recently I stopped at the lights on the bit of lane where you have to be on the right for some fucking mind boggling reason, and the lights DID NOT CHANGE. I waited for 2 cycles of the regular traffic lights for other vehicles next to me before realising this shit isn't changing wtf, and just went. Besides, the whole time it was completely safe for me to proceed anyway, so what was the fucking point of the lights anyway?

Fuck everything about that place.

Also sounds like the scooter wanted it both ways himself - you away in the cycle lanes, and him being able to use the ASZs. Which they fucking do anyway ffs. And why would someone on a scooter be bothered by a cyclist in a lane anyway? It's not like they can't easily go around you.

Utter cunt. Fuck him.

/angrant

As a bad person, coming from the west i just use the car lanes and do the cheeky illegal cut over the ped crossing onto embankment

Yeah they're terrible, if you're coming up from the south side along the side of parliament, it takes forever to get round on to embankment. It's a shame cos they've obviously made a big effort, but it's totally stupid

Me too, this was before that bit though - coming from the Vauxhall Bridge side up and around. There's that pointless cycle lane that puts you up the inside of coaches and stuff coming around the corner. So I just stayed in the right hand lane of the two, then filtered between the cars to the front. He was shouting as I pulled away from the lights at the VB end though and we had our disagreement the rest of the way around the roundabout :)

I know this mainly comes down to common sense but what is the technically correct way to turn right into S. Carriage Drive from the bike lane here?
Just want to check I'm in the right (or wrong) before I shout at anyone.

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That light has an ahead only arrow. So legally you can't turn right.

Keep left on the path and you can wait for the crossing to change. As it's a toucan crossing you can ride across and on to south carriage drive.
It's a fucking stupid junction as there's no reasonable way to enter the cycle path from the south (ie Exhibition Rd, a designated quietway).

Asshole driver honking/narrowly overturning, no asshole you don't own the road and your fellow motorists are blocking my path further down the road and clearway filling up again now that wardens stopped showing up... pff...

Following by a man going through red while a car was already coming from the right. Erm... he has given up on life? Luckily the driver didn't go too fast and they stopped without verbal abuse/honking.

Especially ridiculous when the suns out and there's people on boris bikes coming from all directions and no-one seems inclined to slow down.
I'll keep on randomly shouting then.

The highlight for me is how they narrow the path around the bends north of the Serpentine, just where you need the extra width most!

scooter dude should just shut up.

That's not how democracy works. He should write to his MP and/or start a parliamentary petition

The shit track stand to a wobble through a red light brigade.

Ohai

Rant
I commute 12 miles or so into Cardiff from Barry Island 5 days a week, and for the most part it's uneventful.
However reading the comments about people wanting it both ways has got me thinking about this km long bike/walking path going through Penarth i cycle up daily. No matter what time of day it is, what season, what day of the week or year for that matter, there is always some fucking prick that makes a comment, flashes me a look or gets in a huff when i go past them. It's like the well-to-do arsehole residents of Penarth have claimed it as their own, and i'm breaking the 'rules' by being on it (despite the numerous signs saying it's a bike path of course).
These are the same bellends that are happy to pass within two foot of you in their Evoke, get up you're arse at lights and give you a mouthful etc, all the usual shit. Why do people think they can have their cake and eat it when it comes to cyclists? They are not happy with you on the roads, or on the cycle paths.

Come to South Wales though! Shit roads, shitty Brains beer and even shittier drivers.

I had another weird one today whilst riding out in the countryside, not commuting, but hey.

Two lane road (one each way), my mate and I riding in one direction, side by side within our lane, nothing behind us.

Some prick in a pickup truck driving towards us in the other lane beeped and pointed angrily towards the verge on my side, presumably suggesting that I should be riding along in the gutter, behind my mate.

WTF?

shitty Brains beer

You could drink Tiny Rebel instead?

Yeah, its nice stuff. Unfortunately although there are many decent pubs and breweries in the area, they get swallowed up by the sheer volume of Brains venues. They have even moved into the coffee market. Brains isn't even Welsh anymore really, Heineken owns it.

There was a policeman on a bike just by that junction about 6 weeks ago and I asked him how to cross on to the cycle lane legally. He said he didn't know and gestured vaguely in the direction of ken high street. I asked him what he did when he had to use the junction. He said the bike was just a prop and he didn't cycle in London as it is too dangerous.

Amazing!

Commute home on OKR was remarkable tonight due to the sheer volume of full roadie lycranauts vs normils. Complete reverse of normal lvls.

Oi!

Transcript of pleb on a scooter on the way home today.

SP = Scooter prick.

Me in right hand lane to go straight, approaching lights
Sp comes charging up, come really close then stops behind car
M wtf you doing, why did you go so close
Sp why are you in this lane
M cus I need to go straight on and am allowed to
M cycles to asl
Sp wot
M stops in asl
Sp stops beside me in asl
Sp why did you say wot
M I didn't say wot
Sp yes you did
M no you said wot
Sp do you think I'm a boy
M what are you talking about, why where you so fucking close to me you prick
Sp don't ride in the middle of the lane
M I can if I want
Sp haven't even got any lights on
M it's not dark
Sp yeah but it will get dark
M well then I will put lights on
lights change green
M after you
Sp no after you
M cycles away
Sp PUSSY
while driving away

Couldn't help but laugh as he rode off at full speed on the wrong side of the road... best thing you can do after telling someone off for their cycling (wrongly) is to then ride off like a twat.

Thick dickhead.

😂 sounds like a Monty Python sketch

Not you Mr Snacking Cucumbers