Brompton "O". The World's Most Annoying Bag : £75

For Sale is this very annoying orange bag. It's a lightly used Brompton "O" Bag made by Ortlieb. It has the following features:

• It's defining feature is a surprising lack of capacity. Although it's bulky and heavy this bag features a reverse Tardis effect interior meaning you too will be unable to get anything like as much you think in it. This is achieved by the following:
  
• Less that you think depth! The roll-top flap closing and total lack of extendability in the straps means it will only close when squished down to about two thirds of it's apparent capacity when open. This means not only can you not get more than you think in it, but you can't even get as much as you would conservatively assume. All of which is exacerbated by it's apparently gaping maw when open which teases you into thinking it can hold more than would think. Well it can't. It invites you to fill it up only to find you can't get the thing shut. Cue flapping top, dropped shopping and escaped beers.
  
• Super-restricted lateral flexibility. A total lack of flexibility in the sides means there is no give in it at all, so even when you think you might be able to squeeze an extra something in down the side, just like you can in a Timbuktu, Chrome or even the most basic backpack. You just can't. It wont give. If you want to bring your travel coffee cup and a book (non-negotable) then you're going to have to choose between laptop or running shoes. No room for all four and there's no squeezing it in or balancing it on top and lashing it down with the straps. Something has to stay behind.
  
• Uniquely inaccessible interior. The narrow width, stiff sides and deep deep shape (when open only: see above) mean that it's almost impossible to find small and medium things in the main body of the bag. Often you'll find yourself with your head practically inside the light-absorbing interior with the flap closed on the back of your neck, fumbling blindly about for the thing you put in the laptop compartment, forgetting that the laptop compartment isn't actually a compartment it's just a flap with which is open at the bottom and the thing disappeared into the lightless musty depths of the marina trench that is the inside of this very annoying bag.
  
• Lack of useful interior pockets. Apart from the literally bottomless laptop flap, there's a very narrow wide pocket not good for much other than the post you didn't open on the way out of the door, a couple of teeny tiny pockets you can just barely squeeze a set of keys into. In fact, these are so small and tightly elasticated that it's sometimes a challenge to retrieve the keys. Especially with cold fingers.
  
• Lack of useful exterior pockets. The bag features no exterior pockets on either side or the front. Possibly a result of it's apparently excellent water proof credentials. I don't really care about this much vaunted aspect though. It's a Brompton bag made for short commutes. Chances are i'm going to get out of the rain long before any normal half-decent Cordura rucksack/courier bag or pannier leaks. It does however have two detachable pockets on the back. Which brings us onto the next and most annoying features of this very annoying bag.
  
• Game-changing levels of discomfort! This bag features three sources of seriously uncomfortable back-pokeage when detached from the bike and carried. The removable exterior pockets, located, bafflingly on the back of the bag, not only look like a silly afterthought tenuously attached, as they are with bendy plastic clips. When removed they leave behind four hard sticky-outy plastic brackets which stab you in the back, catch on things and generally irk and bother. These are nothing however, compared to the giant plastic chunk of the main luggage block attachment which is not recessed as in other Brompton bag designs but sticks out a good inch or two right in the middle of the back This means carrying the bag over your shoulder involves being poked painfully in the spine or banged on the hip by a rock-hard lump of plastic. A genuinely painful and unpleasant experience. Don't worry though you really won't want to carry it over your shoulder anyway because of the...
  
• Crappy strap! Thin, floppy and sharp-edged, the shoulder strap which feels totally inadequate for a bag of this heft and substance. It's also impossible to get it over your shoulder until you extend it to a length which means it's dangles dangerously into your front wheel when attached. There's nowhere to secure it on the outside of the bag and you WILL find yourself risking life and limb trying to retrieve it and tuck it back into the handle from whence it worked loose several times during each short trip.
  
• Safety First Orange. You might like the colour. To me it looks like the sort of thing you'd expect to find on a motorcycle riding school instructor's bike
  
• Price. It's WILDLY expensive. £200 new. For a bag. Insane. Make me an offer.