Hillclimb Bikes

Nothing like the hillclimb season for a bit of shed science Weight Weenie, the functional bikes not porn not anti porn that get thrashed up hills for 2-5 minutes every weekend in September and October.

Fixed or geared, but if geared there must be at least one impractical modification (e.g. no bar tape, sawn off drops, little ring only) that makes it obviously a hillclimb bike. Reader's wives encouraged, along with weights if possible.