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Backstop
There's a point in life when I realise I feel fairly defeated. Not having the privilege of a decent home, the violence and abuse of my youth, spending time on the streets, shoplifting to survive and have it impact all future travel (even today), living in a council estate that's constantly full of drama, just life stuff... but always having expectations lowered, a sense of worthlessness pervade.
I basically feel defeated when I come up against bureaucracy. I don't know the game, I fail at it. I hate it, it depresses me.
If I can, I disengage. I work out how to survive, for my own sanity, even if I face huge losses in the process.
This feeling is back again.
I'll go through the motions, but my heart isn't in it. There's anger, but there's also depression... and guess which one hits when I approach the police station, look online to see what the MIB claims process is.
I just want to heal, be happy. It would be nice to be able to believe that the Serotta is fine, it's rideable. It would be nice to think it could be replaced if not. But I'm not feeling hopeful, and I just want to heal, be happy.