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If I'd been in your shoes and not even able to claim compensation from the insurer for bike/lost wages etc I would have been fucking livid.
There's a point in life when I realise I feel fairly defeated. Not having the privilege of a decent home, the violence and abuse of my youth, spending time on the streets, shoplifting to survive and have it impact all future travel (even today), living in a council estate that's constantly full of drama, just life stuff... but always having expectations lowered, a sense of worthlessness pervade.
I basically feel defeated when I come up against bureaucracy. I don't know the game, I fail at it. I hate it, it depresses me.
If I can, I disengage. I work out how to survive, for my own sanity, even if I face huge losses in the process.
This feeling is back again.
I'll go through the motions, but my heart isn't in it. There's anger, but there's also depression... and guess which one hits when I approach the police station, look online to see what the MIB claims process is.
I just want to heal, be happy. It would be nice to be able to believe that the Serotta is fine, it's rideable. It would be nice to think it could be replaced if not. But I'm not feeling hopeful, and I just want to heal, be happy.
Velocio-
There are professionals who you can speak to about such things. But for all you feel like you fail at stuff, there are few thousand on here who are very grateful for your successes.
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I've had far more privilege's then you, and still feel the same, which is to say that it's not abnormal to feel like that. Even if you feel like you lack the energy to pursue this issue more, more generally it is really good to try and get help.
And as backstop says, there are plenty of people on here who think you're not a failure, enough to invest money in you if that matters, and more generally for enabling the community to exist. We've only spoken a few times IRL, but I'm hugely grateful for this community existing and you make that happen
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I echo the other comments. I know you know how much people value this community the you created. I could only really dream of doing something as amazing as creating and nurturing this place. Remember that when you feel defeated.
Also, where the routes to conventional justice are blocked, you need look no further for advice on your own vigilante justice than the hallowed pages of this forum. You know where the car is just go shit on it's bonnet.
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That's what's so unfair about situations like these-there's an emotional toll that far exceeds any physical damage and that's not unique to challenging life situations etc. although it can certainly amplify them x times over even if it's far removed from the event in question.
I understand how these things can play in the mind and what your saying about just wanting to be happy, disengaging as a coping/survival mechanism but I think not doing something to protect your own interests in not getting randomly victimised would also be destructive in terms of not asserting that self-worth legally, non?
I can see how your personal history regarding institutions failing you would make you feel defeated, family is the first institution we are exposed to after all so if they let you down then there's little faith in any others that come after. My family/personal history is undoubtedly very different to yours but still quite high up on the disfunctional scale, with the end result making me feel a strangely euphoric rage both in relation to people and institutions, informing my go-to anger/violence response but it's also exhausting and damaging so I also sympathise share your views up to a point. My father such as the biological status warrants the title-is a bonafide psychopath however so I suppose there's a nice genetic present for me in there, and as much as I've also gone Mad Max in my time but I suppose with experience of how fruitless/destructive this is I'm more coming around to your view point with age as mostly it's fucking pointless unless you're the Malcolm X in a million...
However, none of this prevents you having a miraculous recollection of a number plate and giving the police a door to knock on that might make them more attentive to the situation-it won't demand much time or energy and it'll be in their court to deal with afterwards.
If I really felt that hitting me was deliberate I would feel a moral responsibility that far outweighs any personal reluctance I might have or lack of faith in the Po-at least if you try you won't feel any guilt should this selfish cunt go on to seriously injure or kill some other poor two wheeled bumper fodder. Stick on James Brown and mull it over.
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Just thinking about your bike.
That Serotta's a fucking beautiful thing. You worked hard for it, and obviously enjoyed having it. It's now potentially damaged.
My CF frame was written off without even x-raying it as the cost outweighed the probability that there was hidden damage and my helmet/injuries were enough to prove to the guy doing it that it had been a significant collision).
Sounds like you're healing well and that's great, but you don't know if in a few weeks something serious will crop up-that's why most insurance claims take at least a year and several expert medical opinions to settle.
Even before getting to the abstract issue of 'justice' and with the caveats of sometimes life's too short etc, given half a chance to ensure just the material side of your losses are protected I'd be hanging on to that possibility like a rabid dog till that avenue's full exhausted man.
And if you had to insure your life to the total value it represents to the forum and its users your premium would cost more than Peter Sagan's, so think about that too!
Backstop
branwen
Scrabble
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I know my general forum style can come across as quite acidic but I genuinely think there's a very nuanced approach to justice that has created your situation and the Police have been negligent with regards to what is a very serious crime that could have seen you in a wheelchair or worse.
Police attended my RTA and arrested the guy on the scene but he still got let off as my eventual injuries probably proved not to justify their time prosecuting it, I was out of work for 4 months, racked up serious debt, got very depressed with all the adverse effects that has on friends/relationships and ended up being extremely stressed and anxious cycling in London for the remainder of my time there. If I'd been in your shoes and not even able to claim compensation from the insurer for bike/lost wages etc I would have been fucking livid.