London League IX

MITCH REPORTS FRIDAY 18th NOVEMBER LEAGUE DOUBLE HEADER

It was a bitterly cold Friday night at Mitchinson Road, and as the four league teams and associated hecklers slowly assembled at the edge of this historic half-lit leaf-littered court, almost at the point of obsoletion as its slick new replacement takes shape behind the adjacent barricades, there was more than just a whiff of North London nostalgia in the freezing air.

First up were the infamous nude calendar of tradesmen Meep Meep Makita, like three pages out of a child's colouring book, against recent returnee Jakub and bright London newcomers Jess and Will. I have been lead to believe that this team has been renamed Where there's a Will there's a Way so shall be referring to them as WillWay from henceforth.

Jess started the game with some really strong play, looking like a champ on Danielle's bike, stealing, controlling and maintaining the ball right into the opposition's D. The freshness of their team showed however, and the passes were deftly intercepted by MeepMeep's hi-vis agility. Miles scored the first goal, but whilst they were horsing around after like a gaggle of bin-men, Jakub seized the opportunity for a fast free break down the whole court, a clean run which heartbreakingly ended on the cone. Following this Max started slotting them away in ernest, scoring three in this half, with Miles hammering another from the full length of the court (surely it was a pass), and Matt the Plumber getting one in towards the end of the 17 minutes.

Why 17 minutes you might say? There was much backchat to the heckling bench on this year's format, with a certain amount of dissidence aimed at Emmet's majority elected proposal. Like the western world in microcosm, it seems that the LPC too in 2016 is perhaps experiencing the buyer's remorse of democracy, as 17 minutes was thought to feel like a long time on a cold night. Emmet's impenetrable ameliorations were less readily accepted by Woody the referee than Matt the Plumber's practical suggestion of putting corex inserts in the soles of his shoes, and the loan of another jumper or two. The anonymous heckler who called out "Make London Winter League OK Again!" might be tapping to the root of the problem, as hard as it is to cast the mind back through the elysian haze of those long summer evenings and shirts-off afternoons, it would be good to remind the LPC that Winter League has always been a North of The Wall ordeal.

The second half began with a noticeably warmed up performance from WillWay, immediately paying off with Jakub scoring a breakaway goal on an open net in the first minute. He followed this with some consistently fast play throughout the rest of the section, scoring a further three goals in fairly quick succession. There was a notable almost-goal where Jess double spiralled beautifully around the net and set Will up for a success, but the pressure got to him, and added to Matt the Plumber's explosive comeback fixing those leaks in his team's defence, it was not to be.

Max upped the ante against WillWay's increasingly fast play, and scored what Emmet described as a "chip and dump", bringing his total to 5 goals, making him the top scorer of the match. Matt scored a further two in the second half, as did Miles, finishing the game off with a tidy little number and some classic showboating. It ended 12 - 4 to Meep Meep Makita (by my count).
Max - 5
Miles -4
Matt - 3
Jakub - 4

After an oh so brief intermission, the next game was on the deck and ready to play. Chemtrails, with Taxman Woody and Dr. Vidal coming together to form perhaps the most left wing team bike polo has seen yet, were appropriately representing in shades of Corbyn red, although perhaps missing the party memo, Nesbit controversially donned his relinquished Clerks jersey for the occasion. Cam, Canterbury Adam and Mya were opposing, team name MAC, although special mention goes out to Danielle's bike "The Enforcer" which made a strong performance in both league games that night, this time ridden by Mya.

By this time of the evening it had turned bitterly, bitterly cold, and the match notes were hindered somewhat by an unwillingness to removing gloves to make them, so I'll keep it relatively brief.

Mya came out shooting fast, loose and wide, but Cam scored the first goal of the match, gliding around the court like a lovingly renovated vintage army vehicle, switching seamlessly between attack and defence. There was potentially a mallet under wheel incident in Chemtrails' D which left both Chukker and Adam on the floor, but since no one saw whose mallet went under whose wheel, the gentlemen shook on it and the game continued in good spirits. Woody called a timeout for a bent chainring, and Matt the Plumber jumped to the rescue. Miles meanwhile took the opportunity to holler out for a loaner-belt, but rejected both submissions for being too big or too not-vegan.

After the technical issues had been addressed, Mya scored a cracking backhand from the left side over the bars, as if the ball was a pizza and the goal had ordered it. Cam followed this up with a further two goals, coming in hot with extra jalapeños at the end of the first half.

The second half kicked off with a tidy little number from Adam, strengthening MAC's lead to 5-0. This saw a frenzied return from Chemtrails with some fast and cutty play on both sides, culminating in a cracking goal from Chukker. They say the Taxman always makes you pay, and Woody filed a further two goals with total transparency, however it wasn't quite enough to equalise, and Cam's defence was particularly strong in the second half.
Cam - 3
Mya - 1
Adam - 1
Woody - 2
Chukker - 1