Let's offroad / mountain bike / mtb / ride dirt

if it's as muddy as I expect Brit XC to be I probably won't be able to pick up my bike to throw it through their face anyway

I think SE Brit XC courses have been through some kind of natural selection that has left only the loamy / sandy ones in use - that said I'm sure there's some clayfests somewhere but I've yet to experience a complete bike ruiner that the CX crowd sometimes chuck your way.