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  • How do you pass the time as you're sweating down the lanes in Essex, waiting for the next roadside mirror to take one of your #selfies4dimi3 ?

    I'll tell you what I do: I play the Essex villages game, in my own head.

    How does it work? I'll tell you. You look at the name of a part of Essex that comes up on your Garmin (or a street sign if you're a Luddite/not Froome). Then, in the spirit of Liar's Wednesday, you come up with the backstory.

    Today:

    Harold Hill and Harold Wood - The stars of ITV's mediocre attempt to ride on the Two Ronnies' success. Harold Wood was no relation to the more successful Ronnie, and famously went missing in the Bermuda Triangle. Hill runs an orphanage in Myanmar, but is facing extradition after recent revelations in Operation Yewtree.

    Stanford Rivers - American explorer and anthropologist infamous for his arrogance and disdain for the subjects of his research. A movement is underway to rename the Stanford Rivers Centre for Anthropological Research at Yale University but they haven't got a snappy enough slogan for it to really gain traction.

    Stapleford Abbotts - The collective formed in opposition to Henry VIII's dissolution of the monasteries, famous for composing unflattering ditties about the size of the monarch's genitalia before they were eventually caught and executed.

    Don't feel restricted by the name, this could probably work anywhere.

    Your turn...

  • I think her apparent misdeeds with the local populace were used as a pretext to close down the Waltham Abbey. They were later thought to be the invention of Thomas Cromwell's overactive imagination.

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