• Rutty Butty: molten cheese, spicy tomato sauce, bread - £4.00
    Slutty Rutty Butty - as above but like some unholy marriage of bacon sandwich and chip butty (in a good way) - £5.00

  • There used to be a burger van outside one of the numerous sketchy-natured night spots in Essex that sold a "bunk up".

    It consisted of two fried eggs, two dirt burgers, four rashers of bacon, an entire sliced and fried onion and a portion of chips. All of this was carefully served up in a bap the size of a baseball mitt.

    There was only about ten thousand calories in there, so plenty for the average alcohol-sodden knuckle dragger who hadn't managed to select a mate/victim for the evening...

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