Crap 'Buzzwords'

"It's like drinking from a fire hose"

I'm not sure that pillow talk counts, John.

Got told today that we need to "really sweat the assets"

Fucknugget

Cockwombles

That's been around forever.

At Blandly we believe that you need a rich set of perspectives to
build the perfect bland. That’s why we’ve incubated a company culture
that grows unique bland outcomes. We are an eclectic team of avid
outdoorswomen, comic book collectors, whiskey nerds, fixed-gear
bicycle aficionados, Rosicrucianists, and bacon lovers.

http://www.bland.ly/

Ugh - that's a little too close to the world of bullshit I am sorry to call home.

Client Poetics Officer
Senior Design Proselytizer
Chief Wow Officer

Please tell me its a joke.

It's definitely a joke. Also, if you go to the footer, you can see who created the joke: a graphic design company.

Although to be certain we're really going to have to eyeball them and inbound some positive conjecture affirmations.

it's a piss take site.

from about 4 years ago.

I'm endlessly fascinated by business speak. Not only the language, but the way it's often described.

Recently I've had two bits of client feedback, which essentially asked me to corp-wash some of my copy. But the way they request it is interesting:

"We need to make this sound more positive."

"Can we add more warmth?"

Both of which can be interpreted, in practical terms, as "be less direct and add some fluff".

It's really just a series of euphemisms to avoid plain English, especially when talking about hiring and firing people, spending money, and anything to do with conflict.

Call them cunts and tell them Gunning Fog off.

Internet of things.

@fizzy.bleach is http://www.alittlebitofsomething.co.uk AICMFP...

'Dog whistle' can lick my penis.

"Optics": attending events just to show face, e.g. "It will be good optics if you attend this pointless event"

that's innovation hub type thinking

double click, triple click

^ different levels of granularity duh.

"theatre"

Using post it notes, workshop style meeting formats and agency graphics/illustrations to hide the fact your meeting content and process is empty and worthless.

Can "each and every" fuck right off yet? It can die in the same graveyard of tautological bullshit speech crutches as "in any way, shape, or form" and "part and parcel".

"zero sum game"

"all that glitters isn’t gold
barefaced
be all and end all
break the ice
breathe one’s last
brevity is the soul of wit
catch a cold
clothes make the man
disgraceful conduct
dog will have his day
eat out of house and home
elbowroom
fair play
fancy-free
flaming youth
foregone conclusion
frailty, thy name is woman
give the devil his due
green eyed monster
heart of gold
heartsick
hot-blooded
housekeeping
it smells to heaven
it’s Greek to me
lackluster
leapfrog
live long day
long-haired
method in his madness
mind’s eye
ministering angel
more sinned against than sinning
naked truth
neither a borrower nor a lender be
one fell swoop
pitched battle
primrose path
strange bedfellows
the course of true love never did run smooth
the lady doth protest too much
the milk of human kindness
to thine own self be true
too much of a good thing
towering passion
wear one’s heart on one’s sleeve
witching time of the night"