Katie Hopkins

I hope she drops off a bag of shoes in a charity bin, then discovers three days later that her vintage Jimmy Choo's are missing and spends several fruitless trips to all charity shops in her neighbourhood. Only to then realise that said Jimmy Choo's were sold on eBay for £100

i hope she buys a day travel card, gets on the tube, forgets she has a day travel card when getting off and taps her bank card on the way out

I hope that she spends a couple of hours organising her airing cupboard, with separate places for sheets, towels, pillow cases, kid's sheets and duvet covers; only for the rest of her family and her cleaner to not notice and just shove everything in, unfolded and willy nilly.

I hope she has a drunken wank with a semi lob-on, leading to cystitis that keeps her running to and from the toilet for hours whilst she wants to sleep.

i hope she washes her car (after someone shit on her bonnet) only for a bird to shite on the bonnet the moment she finishes.

I hope it is a Herring Gull that has eaten a particularly putrid halibut.

I hope she starts decorating, paints half the room in Elephant Sunrise before running out of paint, pops to B&Q for another tin. After queueing for ages to get into the car park and ages to get parked, eventually getting to the shop, waiting in line for another 30mins to get to the till and realise her purse is in the car and has to go out and get it, but when she gets there it's actually at home still.
Once returning home to get her cash, and repeating the ordeal to get more paint, she triumphantly returns and start a splashing the paint on the bare walls, then the startling realisation hits home, she originally bought Matte Satin Finish and the 2nd can is a high gloss.

Did that happen to you today?

I hope that when she is struggling with that tricky third or fourth wipe to remove that tough tagnut and decides to give it the beans, she only realises it is a pile when the blood flows.

I hope she upgrades her version of Spotify then discovers it won't synch non-Spotify tunes to her phone anymore.

that made me gag slightly

.

I actually cringed. That's a rare and beautiful thing.

You're welcome 💩

I hope she accidentaly microwaves her hot chocolate for too long and it foams over, coating the microwave in sticky goo.

I hope her zip gets stuck.

with her balls trapped in it.

I hope she's waiting for a delivery that's due to come by 12. So she goes to the upstaurs toilet for a nr 2 at 1150, but the driver is early. She comes running down the stairs, behind half soiled, trousers half undone, makes it in about 20 seconds only to find the driver has just disappeared around the corner and the nearest depot is in a highly inconvenient location.

Yeah, that'll do it.

I hope she finds that she has inexplicably been deducted three times the normal amount of income tax and then finds herself the ball in the longest ever rally of some kind of perverted tennis match between her employers and the HMRC only to be informed that nothing can be done for at least three weeks.

I hope that she accidentally puts "daily use" shampoo in her shopping basket, when she really wanted "intensive moisturising"

Ouch

Oh FFS.

http://www.theguardian.com/media/2016/apr/04/katie-hopkins-lbc-radio-show

I hope she drops a freshly filled glass cafetiere on her kitchen floor and spends the rest of the morning clearing up the coffee grounds.

Julian Clary?