Does anyone know anything about gardening?

Will you come and do mine?

Moving into a new house in July which has a lawn. I currently have a very small side return yard with plastic grass. Which is ace for that space.

I am scared of the lawn maintenance.

Get rid of it then (not that grass is difficult to maintain, just fucking mow it).

Just don't replace it with plastic grass.

even ramsaye has mastered the art of lawn tending ... nuff said

So tempted by plastic grass. It was due to that stuff that I got interested in gardening in the first place...

Yep, when it rains, wear wellies because parts of it flood. Use the wet conditions to fork it over because when it dries it goes rock hard. When it's dry, mow it.

Buy a decent mower which has drive to its back wheels, none of this push malarkey. 400cc petrol should be enough.

Wear steel toe caps when mowing, saved my foot more than once. I would hate @mashton to damage his pretty toe nails.

Twice you've mentioned my toe nails recently.

Fancy a private view? 30 quid for five minutes. No touching.

400cc ! you could mow the lawn and win the essex lawnmower racing unlimited class trophy

This morning:

Had to build this a few months ago to get anything to grow:

Hessian sacks stops the rain digging everything up:

As seen on the first episode of the new series of Gardener's World

https://www.rhs.org.uk/Plants/119893/i-Rubus-cockburnianus-i-Goldenvale/Details

Cant believe how much dead grass was lurking below the cut line of the mower, not looking forward to doing the back garden.

Tulips making an appearance.

Wat country u live in? Sorry if I missed something

Half the veggie patch weeded and cleared yesterday in the sun. This was accompanied by a chorus from the frogs in the pond who were in full 'Caligula' mode.

Singapore. Far cry from SW18 and taken me a while to work out what works. Currently trying courgette but the heat is beating them, huge wiltage during the day, plenty of male flowers but female ones are wilting before they bloom.

Did lol. Tempted to phone around a few garden centres see if they have it in stock ;)

@dicki.....http://www.blmra.co.uk/

Job on today, looking forward to going back to work for a rest!

I just got an allotment. It's basically a big lawn with a couple of small beds cut in it at the moment (that's how it was left). So a blank canvas. I have very little experience with gardening. Any suggestions on where to start?

Get digging!

It's planting season so decide what you want to grow, buy the seeds and get them sown in potting compost and started indoors, then harden them off once they're established. You learn from trial and error, so see what works for you.

This^
Grow stuff you like to eat.
Things like chard, beetroot, spinach and lettuce are easy starters and can be sown early.
Visit little and often if possible.
Resist the temptation to buy All The Seeds; get a few packets and see what others have got to swap. Enjoy. Am jelly

The pond which came with the house was quite overgrown. Last year we saw some newts, leechy things and some hydra so there was at least plenty going on in there. Spring might not be the best time of year to clean it up but hey we had the time and it was a warm day. After removing a couple of buckets of roots and mud there's at least 3" of clear water now. After a day of letting the water clear I counted 10 newts! There's probably even more than that hiding in there. No frogs and I didn't see any pond skaters or snails etc but it's at least looking more lively.

Time to install a grand water feature.

I'm thinking the Emperor Fountain of Enfield.

This morning and about six more on the vine! Sadly had to pull the courgette... Best eventually got to it. Reckon okra within a couple of weeks...

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Did a bit of garden tiding yesterday, cats now think they have a clean and easy to dig toilet, should have left the weeds.

A liberal sprinkling of used coffee grounds seem to be keeping our local moggies at bay for the moment.

It took me 4 days on and off to put this frigging thing up. Some bastard had obviously returned it to b and q and pilfered half the parts

Need to put sticky back plastic on the roof in case a naughty cat jumps on it