When I die....

For the record: scatter my ashes in the Elan Valley and play some John Coltrane.

Don't be sad for too long. I'm dead. You're not. I either loved you, disliked you, or couldn't care less about you. I may have felt all three about you at some point in time.

If you didn't know each other before the funeral, please try talking to each other. I saw something in you and I think you might see something in each other.

Please no God chat.

Chuck my broken body in the bin and post this on LFGSS:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CGIii_eTOk

all 18 of my estonian teen brides to be thrown on my funeral pyre, NO open bar. possible vol-au-vents.

cheers.

ZRZ BSZ

Donate organs, perhaps whole what's left to science
No stupid coffin, bad for the environment, put in bag with recycle logo on it ;)
No unwelcoming religious nonsense, everyone is free to speak a religious bit of that comforts them, but I've sat through a funeral that made non/other religious ppl feel unwelcome. Not cool. Inclusiveness plz.

Ideally after the service there's a good feed/party as weddings/christenings/funerals bring ppl together, so while they're there, why not go for a drink and a feed. May as well.

If I get killed by a car while cycling my driving instructor promised to come. He will be held to it ;)

I've told my wife to not bother claiming the body, let the council do what they will with it.

If there is a service:
Going to have Hans Zimmer - you're so cool playing
Then John Williams - Jurassic Park.
Wanted Kunt and the Gang - the bloke up the garage fucked a sheep but DethWife vetoed it.
So maybe Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??? As the last hurrah

John Williams - Jurassic Park?! Amazing

Yeah man. Anyone who doesn't 'Bah bah, baah bah, budduh duh duh dah dah' can GTFO

My uncle died at 95 a few years ago. He booked his own keyboard player (with keyboard) for the church, chose the church because it was opposite the house so easy to get to, insisted everyone wore purple and got me to buy champagne and smoked salmon for the wake.

when my Mum died me and my Brother had a nightmare - we had no idea if she had a will, what her wishes were - we assumed incorrectly she had told her Sister - she hadn't - we just had to do the best as we thought......

so yeah, good thread, let people know!!

When I die, don't look at me
And say he looks at peace,
For in my grave, I'll toss and turn
Until you come to me

And don't you say, the same old thing,
'He looks just like his father',
Cause I'll rise up and choke your neck
For insulting my poor father.

Of course, it it, that I look pale,
I'm dead, you stupid fool
But after choking on that grape,
You'd think that I'd look blue.

Now run along and let me be;
Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?
And by the way, this pillows hard,
Why'd it have to be so cheap?

Kunt and the Gang

He's a good pal of mine.

Fo realz? Coolio

He is from my town, Basildon innit.

Grays!

I want all my internal organs removed and replaced with high explosives. I then want my body detonated inside a Jaguar dealership.

My books are to be burned, under as many UKIP members as you can find.

Each of my bikes should be thrown from an overpass on the M2, M4 or M40 at Range Rovers or BMW X5s ONLY.

Remaining possessions are to be liquidated and the funds used to fill potholes in Uxbridge Rd.

I do not want a religious ceremony that is irrelevant to my life.

What I think we all learned yesterday is that if you talk about something but don't document it formally in a way that lawyers might recognise, your wishes are just wishes.

And things you would never want to happen can and will happen because you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.

There were some genuine human limitations in play, and at first I was carping about that, as well, but as I thought about it a little more, I simmered down and realised how irrelevant my view really was. Whatever happened was kindly meant and intended. I personally didn't find it apposite, either, but it was left to a person who did the best they could, out of what was undoubtedly a very sincere belief. I didn't know the deceased's attitude to these things, as for some strange reason it was a topic we never broached, but I'm pretty sure he would have recognised all of the above out of the kindness that was characteristic of him. Obviously, this doesn't apply to the design.

Remaining possessions are to be liquidated and the funds used to fill potholes in Uxbridge Rd.

Justice at last.

Hang me from a gibbet made of old ghost bikes with a placard around my neck that reads "Town Planners - Be Ye Warned".

Filled with existential panic about what will happen to my records and guitars... *writes will*

the roberts...

if you still have it.

You had your chance...

oh god... what have i done...

Black Sabbath - Planet Caravan
Jimi Hendrix - Angel
Gregory Alan Isakov - If I Go I'm Goin

Justice would be my liquefied remains being fed to the people who removed the budget for repairs or the contractors who do shitty repairs.

The Insurance I get from work pays triple if I die at work.

So scrape me off the road, transport whats left to the plant, and dump me into one of the reactors.