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  • I want all my internal organs removed and replaced with high explosives. I then want my body detonated inside a Jaguar dealership.

    My books are to be burned, under as many UKIP members as you can find.

    Each of my bikes should be thrown from an overpass on the M2, M4 or M40 at Range Rovers or BMW X5s ONLY.

    Remaining possessions are to be liquidated and the funds used to fill potholes in Uxbridge Rd.

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