Owning your own home

Ha

We've completed :)

Congrats dude, so did we. Picked up the keys after three hours sleep and ran around pulling down curtains and throwing frilly lampshades.

Just had my cheeky cunt of a buyer chip me to the tune of 17 grand based on his mortgage valuation. So tempted to tell him to fuck off, but it was overvalued and I hate the fucking flat and want rid of it.

Do you need to sell the flat in order to complete on your new house?

If not, I'd work out what the flat is appreciating by per month, divide 17k by that amount, then string the buyer along for that amount of time, then fuck him off.

Make sure to say, when you pull the sale, that it's because you just couldn't get over his behaviour X months ago over the price.

I really, sincerely wish that the quote function* didn't such quite such a lot of cock.

*or lack thereof

I really, sincerely wish that the quote function* didn't suck quite so much cock.

*or lack thereof

I really, sincerely wish that the quote function* didn't suck quite so much cock.

Fucking amateur.

Where did you buy in the end?

We're living in our current place for 8 weeks yet, so I'm hoping...

3-bed semi in Tring. Worst house on a lovely street.

For some reason I thought you were buying near me!

I moved from Beckenham in the summer, I'm really missing sarrf London.

You should.

A shop has just opened around the corner from us in Catford that sells two different types of quinoa.

I am caught between being concerned about gentrification pricing families out of the local area, and being pleased about having sourdough and decent coffee on our doorstep.

#firstworldproblems

Lol

Why don't I ever see you two anymore

#realfirstworldproblems

clause 14.4 (a) all rubbish is removed from the property and that the property will be left in a clean and tidy condition. YES ticked

Used colostomy bag - the highlight of the mountain of filth left behind.

The empty house was always going to be a pretty underwhelming thing, especially on a grim day like today but you could see past that. Unfortunately it was so far from that, the missus was pretty upset whilst I tried to keep morale high.

Congrats on moving into your new place. That's pretty fucking grim!

Looking at the colour of your carpet I'd say the colostomy bag is the least of your problems.

Mate that bit of carpet is clean, was were the bed was!

Started to pull the carpet in the next bedroom up and was engulfed in the stench of stale piss.

4 Attachments

Blimey, Joe, that's a fixxer upper!

Fuck off, Zulu.

Going to watch dooks make a cunt of himself.

Come down>

Lozles. Good to see you, Dick Beverage. Sorry about that wet man-bun frond who was on before us. Saw your ivory bothering brother in law actually had his head in his hands at one point. If I hadn't been trying to retain an air of professional positivity I would have done the same. And possibly started lobbing stuff.

Any road, good to see youse. G'luck with the triple garage quest.

What exactly did you do to piss them off so much?

I remember when we got the keys to our place and sat on the shit laminate flooring eating curry and wondering what the fuck we'd done.

Take as many pictures as possible of this stage, one day you'll find it hard to believe it was the same place!

Take as many pictures as possible of this stage

If you can be arsed the seller has breached the contract and you can pursue them for the cost of clearing. If you can be arsed.

Hehe. Good to see you two, mate.

You guys were great. That dude was a bit poo. The other two were good.

Our previous owner had a penchant for red bulbs, both the living room and the porch are knocking-shop-tastic.

Jesus that is not a nice first day in your new place.

Maybe worth getting some cleaners in for a good few hours.

Congrats though, I bet it will look great in a few months!