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I'd say between the shipping issues and the wheel already being more damaged than you expected, the onus is on @James. to give you a refund even if he wasn't aware of just how bad it was before he sent it. IMHOP you've been very reasonable and understanding with sorting it out and being prepared to fix the wheel at your own expense but obviously you're being left out of pocket through no fault of your own having not even had the chance to use the wheel.
Re: anxiety and confrontation, think of this as a good opportunity to work on some of these things and exercise your own agency in a situation that is difficult to deal with and it's a positive thing, but not something you should be left holding the bill for in any event.
@James. you might not have known it was totally fubarred but it's still your wheel and you didn't take the care to find out about the damage before you sold it so i think you need to do the right thing and take it back for a refund. Shit happens.
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Ok I thought I should probably write something because some stuff was said and I kind of feel like I need to clear the air and stuff. @James. I've mentioned some things said in our private messages - hope you don't mind.
First of all a little bit about me, I'm quite a quiet shy person, I very much dislike confrontation. I suppose you could describe me as panicky if you wanted to. Because of this I sometimes don't respond to messages as quickly as I should - hoping they'll go away etc. It doesn't help that I'm quite new to the form (/track riding) so I don't know the people here. As well as my discomfort @James. has also written to me saying that the situation is genuinely upsetting him and making him feel ill.
Things started off quite badly because after I paid I couldn't contact the seller, the phone number given wasn't his, the tracking code was incorrect and despite paying over the odds for postage it took an age to arrive. I think maybe this didn't help as it set us off on the wrong foot to begin with - although when the wheel arrived I had no issue at all with @James.
I let the seller know the wheel had arrived and it wasn't until later that day when removing the stickers I discovered several cracks and holes in it. I asked around here unsure if they were significant and decided that I didn't want to risk it. So I took the wheel to Fibrelyte a carbon repair place I'd been to in the past. Better safe than sorry! They said they could fill the cracks and holes and it would probably be fine. When I collected the wheel they told me that it was damaged beyond repair and the carbon had detached from the foam core. James has spoken to them and they said the damaged was apparent until the disc was placed into the oven (I'm assuming using an oven is normal?). When it came out of the oven (the holes have been fixed) there is a line across the disc when there carbon has visibly detached.
While I feel very upset about the fact my Christmas present money has effectively been wasted on a 700C paperweight, I can appreciate that from @James. point of view it wouldn't be his fault. As he put it (hope you don't mind me quoting a private message):
"I thought they're just little holes. Obviously now the disc is even more damaged how am I supposed to give a refund?"
I really don't know what to do or say to resolve this issue as whatever happens one of us is going to be disappointed.