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i must say after all this, i feel somewhat obliged to get a partial refund. so let me know how much is reasonable and ill send it over.
You know the buyer is inexperienced and embarrassed by the whole affair, so rather than making things even more difficult for him, why don't you just send him some money? It would go a long way to making good the situation.
How much?
First of all you overcharged him for shipping: you can send a wheel via Parcel Force for £16-odd, but in the circumstances let's call it a tenner.
As for the wheel, off the top of my head £50 sounds reasonable (unless anyone has a more rational assessment).
Which makes £60.
But let's not forget what happened here: you deliberately mislead the buyer, overcharged him for shipping and then attempted to conceal what you'd done. So as a gesture of good will and contrition, why not make it up to £75?
Hello, sorry I've not responded sooner - I've been out and about most of today. Erm I can't believe this has become a big thing really, I feel acutely embarrassed about it to be honest. I'll keep the wheel as the damage is only minor and it took me flipping ages to get the tub on properly, there's no way that's coming off in a hurry(/ever)! :-P