• Even with the key in, the internals were frozen solid. Might try socks and a different grease. Not pissing about with lighters though, if it comes to that I'll get a fucking blowtorch.

  • Have a slash on them.

    Drink plenty of water before you go to bed and you'll have pure, unadulterated hot urine to unfreeze your locks.

  • One of them is at head height, I can't get that sort of pressure these days. Even if I could, my aim is so bad I wear wellies to the loo.

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