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OK I like your idea of Kylo Ren not being the real big reveal. Is it a double play by JJ, give away a secret, to trick people into thinking there's not a bigger secret?
Agree with you about Rey, it's like they went back and learned from what was wrong with young Anakin character. She is a stonking character and I'm looking forward to seeing how she develops.
The Starkiller Base battle I think was marred by the comedy in the setup scene. In 4 and 6, the scenes where they plan the battle are so tense with a "will it/won't it work" vibe to them, whereas in 7 it just screamed, "we know that you know they're going to destroy it, so why bother with tension, let's just have a laugh". I can't remember who says it, is it Snoke(?), but there's even a reference to Tarkin's, "We will crush the rebellion with one swift stroke!" and Palpatine's, "Soon the Rebellion will be crushed and young Skywalker will be one of us", but in those two instances, it actually feels like that might happen. There's an air of levity about the film, that I think, for me personally, stems from the fact I can't feel tense when I'm watching my childhood heroes on the big screen doing what they do best.
I'm not sure about the desire to not reveal the father/son connection. If we'd not known about it, there's no way we'd have the scene where Han strolls up to Kylo Ren - in order for him to get that close without either of them attacking each other, you'd have to reveal the connection anyway.
And I definitely don't think that's the big reveal of the series anyway. I think it's far more of a motivator to explain the actions of Ren in the next two films. I'm fairly certain we're going to see Rey revealed as Luke's daughter - as mentioned above, she's insanely and innately powerful in the force, more so even than her father. The scene with her and Luke - there was far more going on there than Luke staring at his old lightsaber. He's looking at his daughter.. and I reckon his exile has a lot to do with giving her up too.
And Snope - this may be a bit far fetched, but I think he could be Palpatine. He had a similar forehead scar, with the rest of his face ravaged by a death star exploding. Could his insane power protect him from certain death? That power was alluded to in - urgh - Revenge of the Sith.
Loved the scene where Finn watches Poe wiping out half the Tie Fighters and stormtroopers on the ground. That it was shot from Finn's perspective gave us and him the same sense of wonder at this ace's skills.
Thought Rey was one of the best characters in the whole series so far. Loved how her strength and skills as a scavenger translated into being able to naturally wield a lightsaber. And he general not-taking-any-shit attitude was a real breath of fresh air.
Overall, I loved it. Agree that the pacing wasn't quite there at the end - the tension was never really there for destroying Starkiller Base, but in terms of setting us up for the next films it really left me wanting more.