Fucking terrible gifts for cyclists

I sent my brother and his wife a box of wine, and 50 quid each for the two nephews.

Brother emails me, "you went a bit overboard". I'll just not bother next time then, Ingrate McIngrate!

I sent a very specific list of wants. Parts of varying cost, for a bike.

Which my family will ignore, because they want to choose stuff for me themselves.

Which is really nice of them to be fair.

I can do a thoughtful gift for a birthday. But i dont have the attention span for this xmas, buy everyone something, bullshit.

Rob Penns books are good reading

Last year I got one of his and also something about the 'Terrible Tour of Italy' with a similarly lo-fi cartoonish cover. I haven't started either of them yet but hopefully will do so soon.

The most useless gift I've ever received was a ceramic olive rack, which seats about a dozen olives in a single row.

I feel genuinely guilty at the amount of human effort that has gone into designing and making something so pretentious, and that it has been cartonned and shipped and placed on a shelf and sold and wrapped and presented lovingly.

I genuinely worry that some people think that they actually deserve an olive rack rather than a humble (and multi-purpose) bowl.

I have been asking for Good Gifts for years because I am too embarrassed to own another olive rack.

edit - although, having thought about it, now I have a little space I would quite like some woodworking tools. Too late for this year though. Bugger.

An olive rack? Fook me, can't stand the things, but me good lady loves em, the jar they come in does a mean job at presenting olives at our gaff.
Think last year was a good haul, The Ride Journal and some Defeet socks.

If it can hold olives it can hold grapes.

Thankfully i'm only uncle nobhead to six. I like to think that what i give people doesn't make or break their Christmas, but it doesn't make it any easier.

£50 each sounds really generous to me too, tbf.

I'm not an uncle to anyone, but I have two cousins (one of whom has girlfriend who's one of the most challenging people I've ever encountered). Between them they're a nightmare.

None of them are cyclists.

you have two cousins in total?!
I think I've got 24 not including non-blood extras from re-marriages. But I don't really know most of them, and none of them are on the christmas card list, let alone buying presents for them.

I just remembered that when I was a student, my mum got me a set of four picture hooks.

Not only did I not own any artwork, but being in rented accommodation I didn't even own a wall to put them on.

Yep. We've never really had a lot of contact with the old Man's side of the family for some unknown reason.

Non-blood extras don't count as far as I'm concerned.

I loaded my Amazon wish list full of Park Tools this year. Do any of the parcels under the tree look like a PTH-1 Paper Towel Holder? Do they fuck.

Actual lol.

Parcels don't look like paper towel holders. That's the job of paper towel holders.

Does anyone want a remote control helicopter?

Box unopened.

Someone's bound to.

How did you end up with that?

My Mum bought me a tshirt with a hood for Christmas this year. A tshirt - with a hood.

She insists its for my cycling.

I take it all back, spoke tensiometer and nipple driver, both Park. Impressed she picked two wheel building items out of the miriad of hammers and pizza cutters (although the former has been used in wheel building) but she did admit buying based on the funny names.

Nice one, I asked for s nipple driver for both my birthday in November and Christmas. No dice. :(

I got a tub of Bisto from the MIL, on the basis that it's vegan, and it must be hard to find vegan gravy. Wrapped and everything.

This year I got the family to leave me the fuck alone for Christmas, which was actually surprisingly nice. I got to spend christmas with my loved ones instead.

Forgot to specify 'pair' on my wish list.

Received single rim.

If I take the time to research birth stone, brand of charm bracelet owned etc. To buy a thoughtful charm, amongst other things. Why can't my ex research the required number of wheels for a standard bicycle......grrrr.

OK. It's an understandable mistake. Just frustrating.

Have you considered building a unicycle?

Ah the dream

And we shouldn't forget Stoller's Depart, perfect for Christmas 2017