Suicidal peds on Oxford Street. How to stop them from jumping under my wheels?

Anyday of the week, anytime of the day you will find pedestrians crossing Oxford Street with their eyes closed, where there are no pedestrian crossings with designated traffic lights. I have already hit one, dodged quite a few in just one day. They ignore bells or even shouting.

Slow down? Cycle training? Avoid Oxford St?

Some people doesn't care...better to slow down chap..

I will take the slowing down advice but no amount of cycle training will prepare you for what's going on there. Avoiding it is not an option for me.

that does not have a clamp for handlebars.

They really should just pedestrianise the whole area.

But since you can't avoid it just pretend you're in some 8 bit arcade game going for a high score.
Each missed ped is 10 pt's, blind surprise step outs 20 and phone browsing groups are 50 pts. Helps to hum the tinny tune and make the sound effects out loud too.

You'll want to free hand it, unless your bars can telescope to ear-height. Air horns are only effective if you blast them in somebody's face.

Alternatively, a bar mounted air rifle might draw their attention. Not sure about the legality though.

It's the busiest shopping street in Europe or the world or the entire galaxy or certainly in London if you don't count that bit in Westfield Stratford where you cannot actually move for weirdly polished Essex kids taking selfies with their latest Top Shop purchases.
Anyway, don't be a dick. Slow down. If you're not prepared to do that, avoid it.

Oxford Street is one of those urban microcultures where the common rules of behaviour really just don't apply. It is, for all intents and purposes a pedestrianised area that for some unfathomable reason still allows traffic along it. The "suicidal" peds are the dominant species and they'll ignore cars, buses and other motor vehicles about as much as they'll ignore you on a bike. Kerbs and lines of paint just don't really change that you are effectively encroaching on their territory, not the other way round.

I don't know why you can't use the other, quieter, parallel roads but if you can't and you can't predict the behaviour of pedestrians then you're going to have to accept that you will continue to collide with them. It's likely that it'll end up hurting you more than them and you've no course of complaint if your bike gets damaged in the process. I'd look to overcome those barriers of using other roads though.

You are a deliveroo delivery idiot aicmfp.

The big shouted "OI!!!" is usually the best answer on Oxford Street. Usually freezes the ped so you can dodge them.

And remember kids, if you're caught by plod driving down there you've "got a job in Stratford* Place, officer".

*ninja edited

You're aware of a hazard (pedestrians in the road), but aren't prepared to modify your behaviour (slow down or use another route).

OK.

thanks guys. I will slow down when necessary and be courteous. TRA, 8 bit game idea sounds fun.

Similar behaviour on Cheapside, but with boring clothes instead of silly clothes. Out of interest, why can't you avoid Oxford St?

You are a deliveroo delivery idiot aicmfp.

You are the notorious DJ and I calm my twatscore.

One of the first things you learn as a cyclist in London is to never use Oxford Street

One of the first things you learn as a person in London is to never use Oxford Street

ftfy