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jonny
From below the line at teh guardian:
I'm the pioneer for a new style of football, which I've modestly named Egongengenpress. The principles are similar to gengenpress, but taken to a further extreme. Everyone must close down space everywhere on the pitch, regardless of logic or damage limitation; if the goalkeeper has to rush 50 yards out of goal just to prevent a harmless sidewards pass, then by god he'd better do it or else I'll field somebody who will. Even when my team have the ball they should be pressing the man in possession, cutting off his avenues of passing while at the same time screaming at him to pass the ball.
Once the team are comfortable with this style of play, we'll then expand it to all areas of the stadium. The manager (myself) will need a male display of dominance and aggression to press the opposition manager back onto the bench, make him fearful of entering his technical area to issue instructions by marking my territory. At half time, the team should press the opposition back into their changing room, and, yes, even the fans need to constantly press the opposition. If there's a queue for a pie vendor, then our fans should be looking to cut off their supply lines by forming into two banks of four at the front of the queue, and constantly interchanging with fresh fans to ensure that the opposing fans don't get so much as a sniff of gravy.
I would tell you my plans for my Sweeper-Tea Lady and False Groundsmen, but I don't want to give my entire game plan away just yet.