Crap 'Buzzwords'

I thankfully am not a new starter at my company, and was thus spared having to take this nonsense training course. The first paragraph of the e-mail that tells you that you have to complete it is already ripe pickings for buzzword bingo... (name of company redacted for shame).

XXXXX is introducing a new comprehensive onboarding program that is composed of three main categories. Our goal was to create a world-class onboarding experience for all new XXXXX employees. The program is comprehensive with three distinct programs targeted to the new employees’ learning need during their first 18 months with XXXXX. XXXXXEssentials is designed to help new starters make meaningful connections within the business, retain talent by reducing voluntary turnover and build business knowledge and skills. This program is being designed in conjunction with the individual functional business orientation/inductions to ensure that we are sharing a consistent message and that all the pieces fit together seamlessly to provide the best possible experience for our new starters.