Crap 'Buzzwords'

'basically'

There is a method of avalanche risk assessment where dangerous snowpack characteristics are referred to as lemons. The more lemons you have, the more dangerous the snowpack.

... But why?

because oranges are not the only fruit

The guy who proposed the method called them lemons and the name stuck. Things have to be catchy and memorable to work because not many people go out skiing with a book to refer to so it's as good a name as any!

You need to call Ghostbusters - they ain't afraid etc.. &c...

'floorwalkers'

Its a Railway office, not Star Wars.

I am very grumpy this morning though.

"What is the art of the possible"

"Lets get some verbiage around that"

I can't stop laughing at this. So perfect.

"What does good look like" and a reference to a "bum fight" today. I think he meant bun.

"officionado"...

when they meant referee, facilitator/coach, or the execrable 'scrum-master' of PM speak

#weeps...

is that a bit like a sharknado except with officious facilitators instead of sharks?

you know bothers, for his marketing malaprop, a sharknado would have been very appropriate

What Does Good Look Like was so endemic in my old place that it was abbreviated and easily understood as WDGLL on email>>>>>>

P.S - You sure they didn't mean Bum Fights

Have you had "net out" yet?

One of our account managers seemed to use it half a dozen times the other week on one call meaning "sort out the details" but has thankfully dropped it since.

"Yeah he's still got to net that out with Julie and he'll let us know."

We have a guy who uses "nut out" for the exact same meaning.

Also... "In flight", "In train" and even "en flight" meaning 'started'>>>>>>>>>>

To defend this...

A scrum master is a very specific role and skill set in running agile methodology projects.
Which is a thing.

Veeeeery different from being a PM

yes, thank you

however the marketeer was spouting torrents of shat

"What does success look like?" is constantly wheeled out at meetings.

wheeled out

Disqualified.

'aficionado', shirley?

Actual words thread >>>>>>>>>

You'd think, but noe

They pronounced it as above...

Set fire to them.

I thankfully am not a new starter at my company, and was thus spared having to take this nonsense training course. The first paragraph of the e-mail that tells you that you have to complete it is already ripe pickings for buzzword bingo... (name of company redacted for shame).

XXXXX is introducing a new comprehensive onboarding program that is composed of three main categories. Our goal was to create a world-class onboarding experience for all new XXXXX employees. The program is comprehensive with three distinct programs targeted to the new employees’ learning need during their first 18 months with XXXXX. XXXXXEssentials is designed to help new starters make meaningful connections within the business, retain talent by reducing voluntary turnover and build business knowledge and skills. This program is being designed in conjunction with the individual functional business orientation/inductions to ensure that we are sharing a consistent message and that all the pieces fit together seamlessly to provide the best possible experience for our new starters.

^ surely you jest, madame? Please?

'On-boarding' has made it to British Cycling

https://www.britishcycling.org.uk/gbcyclingteam/article/20151012-gb-cyclingteam-news-British-Cycling-announces-Senior-and-Junior-Academy-riders-for-2015-16-0