Crap 'Buzzwords'

Another gem from a client: "The beacon implementation can facilitate the conversion funnel by displaying the right message at the right moment and taking the user to the right action". Bleurgh

Would you prefer "on fleek"?

Just received a mail from my Coworker, sending me stuff to do, ending with "Can you check that out and see if it flies?"

Next thing that flies will be various items of furniture.

Some of this shit could have come from the mouths of Tony and David in "Reggie Perrin" nearly 40 years ago.

That's partly the point though, nothing is really new, most stuff has been said.

It's just been said in small groups for years in isolation but it's when it gets taken up by the next group of fucktards and applied to anything and everything that we all start to hear it.

What an amusing thread. Have been sniggering/getting angry/sniggering through two boring afternoons reading it through. Also pretty certain it isn't a buzzword but was asked (in writing) "Can you confirmake what you mean" yesterday which is a first.

A new way of pushing software updates:

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I hate "leverage". I write for a lot of big tech companies who often add that word into my copy during edits. I have to tell them that their own style guide advises against using the word.

It's always good to leverage your own style guide in situations like that.

Going forward I'd like to evangelise best practice in this space.

How is new software going to make the remote control more stable? Was the old software all loaded up to the front, causing it to dip downwards when you pointed it at the telly?

Also, the guy who kept saying 'this speaks to your point' in this morning's meeting can die.

Uberkanban.

I noticed "scoop visits" on a poster with a load of largely meaningless at work.
Anyone able to elighten me on what this bollocks might mean?

Going for an ice cream?

Cleaning up dog eggs?

"On a weekly basis"?

Let me see if we can lose some of those words. I'll just get my red editing pen out...

"On" STRIKE OUT
"a" STRIKE OUT
"basis" STRIKE OUT

...so we're left with "weekly", which means exactly the same thing, and was hiding in there all along!

Next week we'll be looking at "in any way, shape or form".

"On a weekly basis"?

"On a week by week basis" is what we get all the time => "Weekly"

I guess it stems from "We'll look at that on a case by case basis" where you can't say "casely".

overheard:

"perfect storm in a teacup"

I tried explaining

perfect storm - a disaster or serious difficulty produced by a chance combination of factors

storm in a teacup - a small event that has been exaggerated out of proportion

to no avail, was met with: yeah, but..

Can we also consider 'in order to', please?

^^
Were they trying to say: "A perfect 'storm in a teacup'." or "A 'perfect storm' in a teacup." or were they just trying to say "a storm in a teacup". It is important that I know exactly what we are dealing with here.

I think they were basically thick.

I think we need to start an "Index of malaprops" thread.

I was just asked by a client to "explain it in lemons terms"

A colleague once darkly prophesied that if an impending client dispute escalated we would be made Escape Goats.

I was just asked by a client to "explain it in lemons terms"

There is a method of avalanche risk assessment where dangerous snowpack characteristics are referred to as lemons. The more lemons you have, the more dangerous the snowpack. You weren't discussing snow were you?!