• I got public transport to work for the first time in nearly two years this morning.

    It was awful, I got a bag strap stuck in the door on the Jubilee line, I've put on 10 stone, I'm depressed, I nearly cried because I was so bored, I've been stripped of my individuality, my cardio is now that of a coal miner, all the muscle mass in my legs has wasted away, the tube smelt like b.o and I think I've got train herps.

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