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Ahh yeah. In that case, like you suspected, Python is probably your man. It sounds like the pain of learning it would be useful to you in general (ie this isn't just a one-off).
That natural language stuff is still only useful to you if you need to figure out things from context (I think).
If you have the time, I point you in the direction of: http://learnpythonthehardway.org/book
its a good start especially if you aren't programming in another language already.