I hate

And when these people then refer to individual bikes using a feminine pronoun.Your bike is an "it",not a "she"

Sorry if this has been covered here before but I fucking, fucking hate it when people say "I'm a cyclist as well" when you reprimand them for driving too aggressively or too close or parking on a cycle lane or any of the other cocktardish behaviour drivers get up to. First of all if you genuinely were a cyclist, you'd know that it's not nice to have someone driving inches away from your rear wheel and you'd also know that it's impossible to know if someone is doing it because they are a cyclist and therefore is "acceptable" or because they are a psycho that is only just controlling their urges to send you flying into the gutter! Fuck! off!

I also hate the increasing use of the term "road craft", it's implications and the sort of ball sack that uses it. As far as I can understand it, road craft if you're a driver means cheeky/illegal/dangerous/selfish things to get one over on other road users.If you're a cyclist, however, it means getting out of the way of whoever is using the expression so that they can get to the lights a bit quicker: Basically be considerate to anyone in a car whether or not the situation warrants it, regardless if the inconvenience to you will more than outstrip any advantage to the driver whether it's dangerous or even impossible or if there even is any advantage for the driver, just get out of their way.

I tend to try to troll the fuckers by asking if RLJ-ing is a form of road craft.
(apparently it's not)

Sorry, result of what should have been a mellow Sunday morning ride ruined 5 minutes in by a cock polisher

Get it out of your system that's what this thread is for (I think?) :)

Humans eh? Unguided moody projectiles in cars / on bikes some days.

And when these people then refer to individual bikes using a feminine pronoun.Your bike is an "it",not a "she"

Indeed. Don't anthropomorphise bikes, they hate it.

Obnoxiously loud motorbikes. You're not impressing anyone. They tend to only be around in the summer so they're not for dyed in the wool motorbike til I die types but for fair weather bikers. You're just another look at me cunt but without even giving people the choice to ignore you. Fuck off!!

While I'm here, it's been touched on before but people who park beneath your window and idle, for 5, 10, 15, 20 fucking minutes. If you're not going anywhere, turn your fucking engine off! Even worse when they go 20 minutes early to school to wait for their kids and leave their engines on, 2 or 3 at a time poisoning themselves, their own and everyone else's kids in the process. It's as if what passes for their soul will be switched off if they have to turn the engine off for a few minutes.

People who use cycle lanes as quick stop parking. They are not there for parking you anii, not only do you negate the benefit of having a cycle lane there but you actually make it worse than if there were no lane there at all! To top it off, should you dare to say anything to cycle lane parkists and idlers they make you feel like you're some kind of fucking lunatic.

People on cycle paths who don't go into single file when people are coming the opposite way. Listen fuckers, me and my girlfriend/cycling buddy have done it, just do it out of basic politeness.

People who go to beautiful, remote places and leave their plastic bottles, cans sandwich wrappers behind. There is no word in the English language that adequately describes the sort of scum that think that that is acceptable.

Finally phones, a million +1's for the key pad noises, especially in a public place, bip bip bipping on the train for 2 hours, or people looking at their phones in cinemas or some other performance. If you can't live without your fucking phones for 2 hours don't go to the fucking cinema. If you're in a public place put your phone on silent!

No wait, one more: People that don't acknowledge you when you are polite. If you let someone through a tight gap (walking or cycling) or through a door or something, just a smile, even a friendly look if you can't spare the energy for a smile. I'm not letting you pass because you're special and I must defer to you but because I'm trying to be a little bit sociable. A small smile or even a thank you for the seconds of my life that I've given up and will never get back will be fine thanks.

And breathe.....................

Obnoxiously loud motorbikes. You're not impressing anyone. ..

it's a trade off though, especially when that heavenly Castrol R smell wafts around

idlers:-

http://www.highwaycode.info/rule/123

"
You MUST NOT leave a parked vehicle unattended with the engine running or leave a vehicle engine running unnecessarily while that vehicle is stationary on a public road. Generally, if the vehicle is stationary and is likely to remain so for more than a couple of minutes, you should apply the parking brake and switch off the engine to reduce emissions and noise pollution. However it is permissible to leave the engine running if the vehicle is stationary in traffic or for diagnosing faults.
"

Backed up by law, although there don't seem to be any enforceable penalties:-

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/uksi/1986/1078/regulation/98/made

Obnoxiously loud motorbikes.....You're just another look at me cunt >

That's the point for most motorbikelists.

Think Bike < Hear Bike, look for bike don't do stupid turn into bike.

Good idea, I'll get an air raid siren for my bike, pedestrians could all blow whistles when they move, people on scooters could all just shout "look out!" at the top of their voices wherever they go, rollerbladers could blow vuvuzelas then finally we'd all be safe.

What's stopping you?

Air Zound (I think) is one such device. Vuvuzelas was just plain silly.

nerf guns in the office. grow the fuck up you children.

/i've been hiding their silly little foam bullets in my desk. now get the fuck back to work.

I feel the same when people insist on having a radio on in the office.

what? not even for women's hour?

You would have loved it when I worked at EMI, hi fi on every desk.

Silence is golden.

Screws made out of seemingly pissoir steel that torque to f-k when you just place them next to a screwdriver picture.

Now I've stuck mudguard screws, ow and which fecker uses Phillips head screws for high torque thin screws. Even with a Allen key that's asking for problems.

People for their own twisted reasons attempting to sabotage the cycle track by leaving glass all over it. I'm assuming your targets are adult cyclists but your actual victims tend to be kids on their supermarket bikes with the cheapest tyres known to mankind and dogs paws.

Also the assimilation of the word douchebag into British English. Not only is it a rubbish insult, I guess it was invented by Americans who wanted to insult but not sully their mouths with dirty swearwords.

Such a douchey thing to hate.

People who walk along the street eating their lunch. Can't they wait until they get to wherever they're going? One today was eating a freaking Wasabi pot with a fork as he lumbered towards me, mouth churning.

Non fitting clothes, cos cycling legs are too big. And tops don't fit either a lot of the time, due to no room for my tiny delts at all.

I already hate buying clothes as it is...

#boastpost

Drivers who say 'bye' to their passenger by pressing the horn . Surely you've just said your farewell to their face when they were 3ft away from you 5 seconds previously? FUCK OFF!

Also the drivers that pull up outside their about-to-be-passenger's house and beep their horn to make them come outside because they're too fucking lazy to get up and ring the doorbell.