• I take real joy in the fact that each contender is a perfect national stereotype.

    My dream end would be for Tarzan to think he'd won and get all shouty and chest-beaty about it and Steve to be all gracious in defeat.

    Then we find out there's been a mistake in the calculations and Steve has actually won, Tarzan gets cross and throws things and Steve nods, smiles and rides calmly home.

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